Well, this week’s vote on the caption contest was a real nail-biter! Okay, you probably weren’t obsessively checking. And if you were, you may not have been, in fact, biting your nails in anticipation. Which is good, because – really – that’s a terrible habit. So’s knuckle-popping. And I say that as a compulsive knuckle-popper. Pop pop pop. You know what totally weird habit I have? When I’m deep in concentration I sometimes pick at my eyebrows. If’ I’m studying over some document, after a while there’s lashes littered across it like some bizarre eyelash version of the “battle of Atlanta” scene from Gone With The Wind. Isn’t that gross? And here I am, point fingers at the nail-biters. A finger that’s decently trimmed, and doesn’t look like there’s a barnacle growing on it, but still.
So, I guess the point is, don’t judge others too harshly there, chompy.
Hm.
Hold on.
No. No, I don’t think that was my point…
Oh right, the caption contest! The votes were really, really close. It was so close, and the tension was so high, that the sweat was beading on my forehead, and then running into my eyes, because my brows were plucked clean! (Side note: that’s not true) But the winner by 1 vote, is Michael over at Hypothetically Writing! Yay! And there was much rejoicing!
That means two things: one, a protracted court battle demanding recounts and accusations of ballot-tampering; and two, that you should take a moment and visit Hypothetically Writing. Just right now, real quick. Even if you don’t stay, just give his daily hit-count a little bump. Isn’t that nice? The old “Byronic Bump,” as it’s known throughout the internet.
And his winning caption?
“In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two equally important muppets. Investigate-Me-Elmo, and Cookie Monster, who prosecutes the offenders. These are their stories. *Doink Doink*
Congratulations, Michael! This also means you’re my new Featured Blogger!
Next week: an all-new question.
The Byronic Man 
December 2, 2012 at 3:44 am
What? Wait a minute. Whose pants are these? Hold up there, B. have you got any Motrin? I was so sure of a win that I may have celebrated prematurely. Where are my glasses? Oh, okay. I see. I seem to have lost this one. It was close! Let me tell you..there will be no need of a recount! Even I voted for Michael’s caption because it was more clever. I’ll visit his blog as soon as the room stops spinning. Excuse me, I must now go check Facebook to see if any inappropriate pics were posted.
December 2, 2012 at 6:38 am
Well, your entry was top notch, so either way would have been a win for humor and America. On the plus side, the embarrassing photos from your victory party are getting a lot of “likes.”
December 2, 2012 at 7:11 am
Ack…I swear to you I have never….oh, screw it. If it’s on Facebook it must be true. I’m sure my students will be snickering a lot during class tomorrow.
December 2, 2012 at 4:53 am
The Doink Doink was definitely winning material! Congrats, Michael!
December 5, 2012 at 11:12 am
Exactly. Doink Doink was the cherry atop the caption sundae.
December 2, 2012 at 5:10 am
Imagine if cookie monster had that eyebrow-plucking habit.
December 2, 2012 at 6:39 am
“Hey Cookie Monster, when did you put in this blue carpeting?”
“Me didn’t. Me had to to taxes yesterday, and had to concentrate for long time.”
December 2, 2012 at 5:11 am
Well done. The doinks won it…
December 2, 2012 at 6:35 am
See, I always thought it was more of a “CHUNG CHUNG,” but the *doink doink* definitely fits the muppet theme better.
December 2, 2012 at 6:06 am
Congrats to Michael!
God, I wish I picked at my eyebrows. Plucking brows hurts like a sonofabitch!
December 2, 2012 at 6:34 am
It’s never too late to start! Sure, people look at you like you’re insane, but…
December 2, 2012 at 7:13 am
It hurts like HELL. I have an, um, age spot (I mean beauty mark) above my left eyebrow that is conveniently close in color to my eyebrow. Makes me look like I am perpetually amused (or pissed off).
December 2, 2012 at 7:36 am
Congrats to everyone for having
mysuch great taste in captions, I mean, to Michael!And what a disturbing habit.
From,
The girl who only bites her nails once they’ve grown to absolute perfection.
December 2, 2012 at 9:07 pm
That’s a great approach – very zen. “I am attached only to the process of growing and manicuring perfect nails. Once achieved, I destroy them and begin anew.”
December 2, 2012 at 10:04 am
Where is Big Bird in all of this? Maybe he’s opposing counsel?
December 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Went rogue. Tracking down Mitt Romney. The election may be over, but that got personal.
December 2, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Thank you, thank you so much Byronic Man, and everyone who voted: this is the happiest moment of my life! (okay, technically, getting to hear an orchestra play Disney songs live in concert was the happiest moment, and seeing Captain Kirk’s future birthplace in Riverside, Iowa, but this is right up there. Second happiest, tops.) In the words of Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway, you tolerate me! You really really tolerate me!
…
I should mention, I bite my nails all the time. I am ashamed. But I don’t pluck my eyebrows (yet…0_o), so it balances out.
December 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm
My pleasure, and thank you for such a great entry. I hope there was, in fact, some little bump in your visits today… As soon as I can organized, I’ll put a little link on the homepage for featured blogger. It takes me a day or two, but on the plus side, I’m equally slow to take it down.
Bonus points for a “Whose Line” reference!
December 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm
I must confess – I am an eyebrow puller too! Apparently (so I’ve been told) it is considered a mental disorder, but I forget what it’s called. I think I’m a little worse than you because I have no eyebrows left.