The Vote Came Down To A Smorgasbord of Bad Personal Habits!

December 2, 2012

20 Questions, Humor


Well, this week’s vote on the caption contest was a real nail-biter!  Okay, you probably weren’t obsessively checking.  And if you were, you may not have been, in fact, biting your nails in anticipation.  Which is good, because – really – that’s a terrible habit.  So’s knuckle-popping.  And I say that as a compulsive knuckle-popper.  Pop pop pop.  You know what totally weird habit I have?  When I’m deep in concentration I sometimes pick at my eyebrows. If’ I’m studying over some document, after a while there’s lashes littered across it like some bizarre eyelash version of the “battle of Atlanta” scene from Gone With The Wind.  Isn’t that gross?  And here I am, point fingers at the nail-biters.  A finger that’s decently trimmed, and doesn’t look like there’s a barnacle growing on it, but still.

So, I guess the point is, don’t judge others too harshly there, chompy.


Hold on.

No.  No, I don’t think that was my point…

Oh right, the caption contest!  The votes were really, really close.  It was so close, and the tension was so high, that the sweat was beading on my forehead, and then running into my eyes, because my brows were plucked clean! (Side note: that’s not true)  But the winner by 1 vote, is Michael over at Hypothetically Writing!  Yay!  And there was much rejoicing!

That means two things: one, a protracted court battle demanding recounts and accusations of ballot-tampering; and two, that you should take a moment and visit Hypothetically Writing.  Just right now, real quick. Even if you don’t stay, just give his daily hit-count a little bump.  Isn’t that nice?  The old “Byronic Bump,” as it’s known throughout the internet.

And his winning caption?


“In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two equally important muppets. Investigate-Me-Elmo, and Cookie Monster, who prosecutes the offenders. These are their stories. *Doink Doink*

Congratulations, Michael!  This also means you’re my new Featured Blogger!

Next week: an all-new question.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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19 Comments on “The Vote Came Down To A Smorgasbord of Bad Personal Habits!”

  1. k8edid Says:

    What? Wait a minute. Whose pants are these? Hold up there, B. have you got any Motrin? I was so sure of a win that I may have celebrated prematurely. Where are my glasses? Oh, okay. I see. I seem to have lost this one. It was close! Let me tell you..there will be no need of a recount! Even I voted for Michael’s caption because it was more clever. I’ll visit his blog as soon as the room stops spinning. Excuse me, I must now go check Facebook to see if any inappropriate pics were posted.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Well, your entry was top notch, so either way would have been a win for humor and America. On the plus side, the embarrassing photos from your victory party are getting a lot of “likes.”


      • k8edid Says:

        Ack…I swear to you I have never….oh, screw it. If it’s on Facebook it must be true. I’m sure my students will be snickering a lot during class tomorrow.


  2. Tori Nelson Says:

    The Doink Doink was definitely winning material! Congrats, Michael!


  3. speaker7 Says:

    Imagine if cookie monster had that eyebrow-plucking habit.


  4. Every Record Tells A Story Says:

    Well done. The doinks won it…


  5. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Congrats to Michael!

    God, I wish I picked at my eyebrows. Plucking brows hurts like a sonofabitch!


  6. Go Jules Go Says:

    Congrats to everyone for having my such great taste in captions, I mean, to Michael!

    And what a disturbing habit.

    The girl who only bites her nails once they’ve grown to absolute perfection.


  7. keepingitreal Says:

    Where is Big Bird in all of this? Maybe he’s opposing counsel?


  8. Michael Says:

    Thank you, thank you so much Byronic Man, and everyone who voted: this is the happiest moment of my life! (okay, technically, getting to hear an orchestra play Disney songs live in concert was the happiest moment, and seeing Captain Kirk’s future birthplace in Riverside, Iowa, but this is right up there. Second happiest, tops.) In the words of Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway, you tolerate me! You really really tolerate me!

    I should mention, I bite my nails all the time. I am ashamed. But I don’t pluck my eyebrows (yet…0_o), so it balances out.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      My pleasure, and thank you for such a great entry. I hope there was, in fact, some little bump in your visits today… As soon as I can organized, I’ll put a little link on the homepage for featured blogger. It takes me a day or two, but on the plus side, I’m equally slow to take it down.

      Bonus points for a “Whose Line” reference!


  9. benzeknees Says:

    I must confess – I am an eyebrow puller too! Apparently (so I’ve been told) it is considered a mental disorder, but I forget what it’s called. I think I’m a little worse than you because I have no eyebrows left.


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