Let’s Get Real… TV Real.

October 7, 2012

Humor

Last week I was exposed to a dose of Reality TV.  It wasn’t fatal, but I have spent the last week pausing dramatically, and then saying shocking things; telling people that I want to build them their dream laundry hamper; demanding that cumin be included of every course of every meal for the day; and yelling at everyone I meet, “I’m not here to make friends!”

But on the plus side, I got a lot of great pitches for new reality shows from you.  So, it’s all worth it, right?  Many of the shows would be great, although quite a few of them would probably be illegal.  I’d have to check with a lawyer on how the Supreme Court views abuse of Reality TV Celebrities.

Until I hear back from the Byronic Lawyers, though, peruse these titles and vote for your favorite.  Just like in presidential elections, you’re allowed to vote once per day.  Hey… it’s just hitting me…we could make a show about this… Maybe later this week there will be an immunity challenge where the authors are forced to dress up like fish and hit each other with giant foam worms.

I’ve only included the titles here, so I encourage the authors to expand on them with their pitches below, or you can go to the comments here to see the original ideas.  Enjoy!

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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29 Comments on “Let’s Get Real… TV Real.”

  1. Life With The Top Down Says:

    This was such a great idea, with so many great ideas. I was fully entertained and slightly frightened at the possibility of many of them making it to a cable network.

    Reply

  2. Go Jules Go Says:

    Can someone please tell me the advantage of a hamper over a laundry basket? Because the way I see it, one is meant to move and is free of a bothersome lid. Is it simply aesthetic appeal? Dirty underwear hidden from delicate eyes?

    Oh, um, great entries!

    Reply

    • Go Jules Go Says:

      P.S. – Oh-hoh-my-gawd. Is this the follow-up to the fitted sheet debate?

      Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      The hamper was designed by Thomas Hamper in 1804. He was a Revolutionary War hero who initially wanted “He has allowed his troops to go through our soiled garments” included in the grievances against King George illuminated in the Declaration of Independence. He wanted to create something classy and private, and that could not be looked at by authorities with violating the 4th amendment.

      Lionel Basket and Reginald Kingston Laundry, on the other hand, ran workhouses for orphans. They were known as merciless wards who worked the kids to exhaustion and cast them aside, in to whatever room was empty – often exposed to the elements. a “Laundry-Basket” became shorthand for an exposed area for dumping used things. Thus the negative association.

      So, to answer your question: I don’t know.

      Reply

      • Go Jules Go Says:

        …Wow. I knew I should have paid more attention in Home Ec.

        This reminds me – you never explained solar-powered garbage lids [in Portland]. It’s been bothering me for weeks.

        Reply

  3. Jennifer Avventura Says:

    They have a Marry My Son reality program in Italy. It’s painful to watch! Great post.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      See, this makes it even better: it’s not really a good American show unless they’ve ripped it off from somewhere else!

      Reply

    • clemarchives Says:

      Oh my goodness! But is it as awesome an idea as mine? I’m so glad it exists in some form, though.

      In 7th grade I came up with the idea for a cologne called “Obsession” because it seemed stupid enough to be a perfume. 5 years later I discovered it was indeed a fragrance from Calvin Klein. Proudest moment of my life learning I could imitate multimillionaire marketing schemes at age 12!!!

      Reply

  4. speaker7 Says:

    I want the teacher one to really happen.

    Reply

  5. artzent Says:

    WHAT? about that laundry basket?

    Reply

  6. clemarchives Says:

    For those who don’t know and don’t want to read my super long description…

    Marry My Son, Please: one man’s quest to find love with the help of his mother and four closest dysfunctional friends, complete with cooking competition and personal drama! Which woman will he marry? Nobody knows!

    Reply

  7. Archon's Den Says:

    He can marry any one he pleases. He just hasn’t pleased one yet.

    Reply

  8. The Good Greatsby Says:

    I’d be delighted to not watch any of those shows, but Hardcore Kittens is the one I look forward to not watching the most.

    Reply

  9. Deborah the Closet Monster Says:

    I don’t like watching TV, and even less “reality” TV, but I still really, really want to see that substitute program. I hope the right person stumbles across this post and makes it happen. Please?

    Reply

  10. anecdotaltales Says:

    Morticians are winning over my Hardkore Kittens, huh? What if I tell you that these Kittens are all… NAKED! And they cough up hairballs when they’re feeling ignored? They purr, they meow, but they’ve got attitude up to their whiskers! And their ads all feature exclamation points!!!

    Reply

  11. cassiebehle Says:

    Corriander, not cumin. Gah!

    Reply

  12. Blogdramedy Says:

    What channel is this going to be on? Time? Cast? Because I assume they can all be interchangeable no matter which show gets the vote. 😉

    Reply

  13. mistyslaws Says:

    I’m a lawyer, and I say that you have complete indemnity to do whatever you please to Reality Show Contestants. They are not real people as defined by the Geneva Convention, so you would not be liable for any injuries or malfeasance. Besides, if you tell them they can be on TV, but they just have to sign this little ole liability waiver, they’ll agree to anything!

    * this opinion not intended to be legally binding nor valid legal advice.

    Reply

  14. S. Trevor Swenson Says:

    I’ve tried to pitch MTVs “Real World Somalia” No one has gotten back to me…yet

    Reply

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