Last week I was exposed to a dose of Reality TV. It wasn’t fatal, but I have spent the last week pausing dramatically, and then saying shocking things; telling people that I want to build them their dream laundry hamper; demanding that cumin be included of every course of every meal for the day; and yelling at everyone I meet, “I’m not here to make friends!”
But on the plus side, I got a lot of great pitches for new reality shows from you. So, it’s all worth it, right? Many of the shows would be great, although quite a few of them would probably be illegal. I’d have to check with a lawyer on how the Supreme Court views abuse of Reality TV Celebrities.
Until I hear back from the Byronic Lawyers, though, peruse these titles and vote for your favorite. Just like in presidential elections, you’re allowed to vote once per day. Hey… it’s just hitting me…we could make a show about this… Maybe later this week there will be an immunity challenge where the authors are forced to dress up like fish and hit each other with giant foam worms.
I’ve only included the titles here, so I encourage the authors to expand on them with their pitches below, or you can go to the comments here to see the original ideas. Enjoy!
The Byronic Man 
October 7, 2012 at 3:41 am
This was such a great idea, with so many great ideas. I was fully entertained and slightly frightened at the possibility of many of them making it to a cable network.
October 7, 2012 at 4:39 am
It’s probably just a matter of time.
October 7, 2012 at 7:04 am
Definitely.
October 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm
My life goal is to make this happen.
October 7, 2012 at 4:46 am
Can someone please tell me the advantage of a hamper over a laundry basket? Because the way I see it, one is meant to move and is free of a bothersome lid. Is it simply aesthetic appeal? Dirty underwear hidden from delicate eyes?
Oh, um, great entries!
October 7, 2012 at 4:48 am
P.S. – Oh-hoh-my-gawd. Is this the follow-up to the fitted sheet debate?
October 7, 2012 at 6:57 am
The hamper was designed by Thomas Hamper in 1804. He was a Revolutionary War hero who initially wanted “He has allowed his troops to go through our soiled garments” included in the grievances against King George illuminated in the Declaration of Independence. He wanted to create something classy and private, and that could not be looked at by authorities with violating the 4th amendment.
Lionel Basket and Reginald Kingston Laundry, on the other hand, ran workhouses for orphans. They were known as merciless wards who worked the kids to exhaustion and cast them aside, in to whatever room was empty – often exposed to the elements. a “Laundry-Basket” became shorthand for an exposed area for dumping used things. Thus the negative association.
So, to answer your question: I don’t know.
October 7, 2012 at 7:59 am
…Wow. I knew I should have paid more attention in Home Ec.
This reminds me – you never explained solar-powered garbage lids [in Portland]. It’s been bothering me for weeks.
October 7, 2012 at 4:54 am
They have a Marry My Son reality program in Italy. It’s painful to watch! Great post.
October 7, 2012 at 7:05 am
See, this makes it even better: it’s not really a good American show unless they’ve ripped it off from somewhere else!
October 7, 2012 at 10:20 am
Oh my goodness! But is it as awesome an idea as mine? I’m so glad it exists in some form, though.
In 7th grade I came up with the idea for a cologne called “Obsession” because it seemed stupid enough to be a perfume. 5 years later I discovered it was indeed a fragrance from Calvin Klein. Proudest moment of my life learning I could imitate multimillionaire marketing schemes at age 12!!!
October 8, 2012 at 6:32 am
I’d try to sue Calvin Klein. Worth a shot.
October 7, 2012 at 5:43 am
I want the teacher one to really happen.
October 7, 2012 at 6:48 am
Me, too.
October 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm
To make it more marketable, I think we name it, “So you think you can teach?”
October 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Yesssssssssssss. And the judges can be angry parents…
October 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Or high school dropouts…or angry high school drop out parents.
October 8, 2012 at 6:35 am
Or teachers.
October 10, 2012 at 10:45 am
Or angry high school drop out parents who became teachers! Lol. Too much?
October 7, 2012 at 8:57 am
WHAT? about that laundry basket?
October 7, 2012 at 10:24 am
For those who don’t know and don’t want to read my super long description…
Marry My Son, Please: one man’s quest to find love with the help of his mother and four closest dysfunctional friends, complete with cooking competition and personal drama! Which woman will he marry? Nobody knows!
October 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm
He can marry any one he pleases. He just hasn’t pleased one yet.
October 8, 2012 at 6:14 am
I’d be delighted to not watch any of those shows, but Hardcore Kittens is the one I look forward to not watching the most.
October 8, 2012 at 9:07 am
I don’t like watching TV, and even less “reality” TV, but I still really, really want to see that substitute program. I hope the right person stumbles across this post and makes it happen. Please?
October 8, 2012 at 11:40 am
Morticians are winning over my Hardkore Kittens, huh? What if I tell you that these Kittens are all… NAKED! And they cough up hairballs when they’re feeling ignored? They purr, they meow, but they’ve got attitude up to their whiskers! And their ads all feature exclamation points!!!
October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am
Corriander, not cumin. Gah!
October 8, 2012 at 12:52 pm
What channel is this going to be on? Time? Cast? Because I assume they can all be interchangeable no matter which show gets the vote. 😉
October 8, 2012 at 7:02 pm
I’m a lawyer, and I say that you have complete indemnity to do whatever you please to Reality Show Contestants. They are not real people as defined by the Geneva Convention, so you would not be liable for any injuries or malfeasance. Besides, if you tell them they can be on TV, but they just have to sign this little ole liability waiver, they’ll agree to anything!
* this opinion not intended to be legally binding nor valid legal advice.
October 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I’ve tried to pitch MTVs “Real World Somalia” No one has gotten back to me…yet