Why I May Be What’s Wrong With America

July 7, 2012


I’ve decided that I may be what’s wrong with America.  It’s selecting finalists for these ‘Weekly Questions of the Week’ that have done it.  “Oh, I’ll have these little questions of the week, and pick a couple finalists, and it’ll be fun and a way to feature bloggers!” I thought naively.  Little did I know what I was setting myself up for.  The anxiety and stress over selecting has me pretty much, every week, just wanting to just declare “everyone’s a winner!” Yay!  Metaphoric ribbons for all!  Then I’ll tell you to “be sure to check out my 74 bloggers of the week, many of whom were also the bloggers of last week!”  Then we all grow complacent and wallow in our quickly fading glory.

I have meddled in the realm of the Immortals!! Dared to look into the World Invisible! Oh, what have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!

It’s just that it’s a terrifying responsibility, this selection of finalists.  Yes, terrifying.  I can say without hyperbole that selecting finalists is a billion times more stressful than if Sophie’s Choice had taken place on a plane that was crashing in to a volcano.

Am I choosing the right ones?  Is someone’s feelings getting hurt?  How dare I say that certain responses are (bitter, anguished air quotes) “better” than others?  WHO AM I TO PLAY GOD?? 

I’m trying to figure out an alternative.  Maybe I’ll make the blogger of the week choose the finalists.  Maybe I’ll get some college student who can call it an “internship” so that if I disagree or if people want to know why theirs wasn’t chosen I can shake my head and say, “Tch.  _______.  You know ________.  What an idiot.  __________!  Get in here!  Do better than this!  And where the hell’s my goddamn macchiato?!”

I can’t believe I let you draw me naked!

But enough about what’s wrong with me for the moment.  Let’s talk about what’s right with you.  Based on voting from last week, what’s right for you is “more dragons in Titanic“!  This was the big winner near, far, whereeeeeever you are.  Are you listening James Cameron? Well done, Rinth at My Elegantly Cluttered Chamber!  She’s the Queen of the World!  The Heart of the Ocean!  And… other Titanic references!  Please take a moment to check out My Elegantly Cluttered Chamber to say hello.

But back to this week and my shortcomings.  Alright, here’s my Weekly Cop-Out of the Week: I’ve narrowed this down to semi-finalists.  Yep.  Pre-tee lame.  I couldn’t even narrow it to 12; there’s 13.  Sorry, triskaidekaphobics.  So, just for today, you should vote for 5 – 5 different entries, or 5 votes for one of them, 4 & 1, etc.  However you’d like.  Then, tomorrow I’ll put up the finalists with the new question and the winner for this week!

(Okay, technically, you can vote as often as you like, but you should limit yourself to 5. Honor system, people.)

That way when the finalists are done, I can pass any blame to someone else for what goes wrong, while taking the credit for other people’s ideas when it goes well!

Which brings us back to what’s wrong with America…

So – here’s the picture:

Vote for up to 5 captions:

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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26 Comments on “Why I May Be What’s Wrong With America”

  1. every record tells a story Says:

    Chillax Byronical. It’s just a bit of fun…
    You think this is stressful? Wait until the Byro junior comes along. You’ll look back on the “stress” of this with a nostalgic chuckle…


  2. Richard Wiseman Says:

    That’s right load your stress on to me! 5… I have to pick five or do I pick one three times and another two… when did this get so complicated… I want my life back… I need space… time to think… I’ll have to do Tai Chi and drink herbal remedies now… it’s getting out of hand… you’ve created a monster.. a monster do you hear me!


  3. Sandy Sue Says:

    Don’t forget to post the photo with these captions. I had to actually flip back to find the original. I mean, like, totally a joy kill.


  4. TravelnLass Says:

    I’m with Sue – presuming that even half of us have functioning hippocampi is uh, a bit delusional, dontcha think?


  5. Angie Z. Says:

    This is Sophie’s Choice all over again. I think I need to lie down now.


  6. susielindau Says:

    Where should I send my bribe? I think my last one must have gone to the Ironic Man by accident. I better get a fresh thinking cap for the next one.
    You had 74 entries? Wow! Now I don’t feel so bad….puts tub of ice cream back in the freezer……


  7. freddyflow Says:

    Ok, entered my requisite 5 votes for Yours Truly–although I love the “medicinal tapeworms” blurb…


  8. Go Jules Go Says:

    B, you need to do all of this drunk, that’s the problem here.

    Now, about that [Titanic-dragon] picture… HA HA! I’m so proud of you.


  9. List of X Says:

    Yes, that is a thankless job to be selecting the finalists. I would much rather be one. Oh well, maybe next time.


  10. The Bumble Files Says:

    I knew this would be tough! I put in my five votes, but yes, I agree they are all deserving. An internship….where’s my macchiato?! You’re funny. I’m really enjoying your blog 😀


  11. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    My gut instinct – leaving ANYthing to a college kid is a bad idea.


  12. Life With The Top Down Says:

    In your defense there were some very good captions. Very, very funny. That’s what happens when you surround yourself with such a brilliant group of followers.


  13. Rinth Says:

    Wohooo! Doing the failing arms dance :D. Thank you oh great Byronic Man :D! I will reply on a post soon to come :).


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