I’m Pro-Creepy, And I Vote!

June 16, 2012


Well, one thing is for sure: a lot of us had creepy experiences with toys. And not just old-timey ventriloquist dolls.  But I suspect that’s mostly because they’re old-timey, so we didn’t have a chance.  Because this?  Is creepy.

What child doesn’t love a black-eyed, mush-faced troll in a butcher’s smock?

A number of you responded to last week’s Weekly Question of the Week with similar answer, so I had to go with whomever submitted it first, for a finalist.  But suffice to say: Teddy Ruxpin?  May have not died of natural causes. But what do you think?  What’s the creepiest of the bunch?  Be sure to vote, and to check out the winning entry from last week below!

Well, the votes are in on the Star Wars baseball caption contest.  Those of you who’ve never seen the series: I hope you did the right thing and watched the original trilogy this week.  But you voted pretty heavily for List of X’s entry, making him this week’s blogger of the week!  Congratulations, List of X!  Please take a moment to enjoy the caption, and then check out his site.

“Darth Vader was disqualified for attempting to force-choke an umpire.”

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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64 Comments on “I’m Pro-Creepy, And I Vote!”

  1. prttynpnk Says:

    I can’t hate cymbal monkey- look at that face- he’s trying to warn us and as with most doom-seeing prophets, he’s coming off as creepy and menacing. So missunderstood, so missunderstood. If only we would heed your warnings flocked skelatal primate of the stripey pants- we’d all be safe right now. Bang on- you have lives to save and unintentionally weird out.


  2. skippingstones Says:

    I don’t find cymbal monkeys creepy, but I was just listening to a book this morning that features creepy and evil cymbal monkeys. And it’s a kid’s book.

    Hmm, maybe I voted wrong.


  3. musingsoftheamusingmuse Says:

    Personally, I can’t hate the cymbal monkey, or as I have taken to call it, “Ching Ching” Monkey… cause that’s the sound it makes, and it’s the sound I make wearing armloads of bracelets and bangles when I clap. I never saw the Growing up Skipper Doll. Jack in the Boxes ARE bad, but it’s more of a startle reflex combined with creepy clown. Teddy Ruxpin (or however it’s spelled). Ugh! Weirded me out.


  4. Life With The Top Down Says:

    I don’t think I can vote. Every time I open the page I’ll have to see that “doll”, which resembles a stuffed human being, and frankly scares the crap out of me. That’s not scary, that’s Silence of the lambs scary….yes, there is a high difference.


  5. H.E. ELLIS Says:

    I am officially traumatized. Thanks for the photo, Byronic.


  6. Elyse Says:

    Thanks Bryonic. I have never made it to the finals before! In anything. Now I will have to figure out another complex to substitute for my inferiority complex.


  7. racheldeangelis Says:

    I’m excited to make it to the finals too! 😀


  8. Marie Says:

    In that baseball pic all I see for caption is C-3PO yelling out “Who’s YOUR daddy?”

    The monkey. Hands down creepy. Jack-in-the-box isn’t creepy, it makes me shit my pants when jack pops out and I giggle in anticipation, but the monkey… His face is freaky. And why does he go on and on with his cymbals? Only psychotic people go on and on with something.


  9. sj Says:

    I had to vote for the monkey. Monkeys are evil and those are the MOST EVIL. [shudder]


  10. Lenore Diane Says:

    That is the creepiest thing I have seen in a long time. I can’t unsee it, and I’m not happy about that fact.


    • She's a Maineiac Says:

      Hmm…interesting. Good to know, good to know. I was thinking of having him printed out and blown up on cardboard and placing it next to the guest bed in the middle of the night if you guys stay with us next month…Thanks for the idea, Lenore!


  11. Go Jules Go Says:

    Poor Teddy. He was just trying to make a kid’s 2nd grade show-and-tell something extra.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      That’s because you don’t see what happens next. It’s like the ending of Raiders of the Lost Ark.


    • Angie Z. Says:

      And as you pointed out once, Jules, even kids with Jersey accents (“…he tells stories, he toowks…) are worthy of being saved by beloved Teddy.


      • Go Jules Go Says:

        LOL! Angie, yes, you saw this comment! Have you seen previews for that new movie with Mark Wahlberg (I think it’s called “Teddy”)??? It looks RIDUCULOUS. I have to see it. (What about you, B-Man? I would LOVE to read your review of THAT! Ha!)


        • Angie Z. Says:

          Yes, I’ve seen the previews! I think that will be one of those movies I won’t see in the theater, will watch on Netflix alone when my husband is out of town (after turning him down when he asked if we could watch it), will laugh a lot, and then fiercely deny I ever watched it, much less enjoyed it.


  12. keziahcarrie.com Says:

    Did anyone ever see the movie Magic? Freaked me out for years.


  13. List of X Says:

    Thank you! Thank you! I can’t tell how much I am honored by this prize! I would like to thank my parents, my producers, God, and… wait, I don’t get the Oscar for this? No? Ok, well, then nevermind, I’ll just thank the producers in that case.
    Maybe the secret to winning the caption contest was watching Star Wars, but not watching any baseball…


  14. tomwisk Says:

    Teddies are supposed to be soft, silent companions to sleep with, at least until you discover the gender you prefer.


  15. tedstrutz Says:

    I voted for Teddy Ruxpin because, even though I don’t remember what he looks like and have never liked ‘Ruxpin’, I like girls named Rachel.

    I actually have a Cymbal Monkey… in the box, no less. It was my Dad’s and I plan to sell it on E-Bay and retire. The official title on the box is ‘MUSICAL JOLLY CHIMP’ and it states that he: ✣ Plays Cymbals ✣ Glares, Showing His Teeth and Chattering. I would say manic more than creepy.


  16. susielindau Says:

    It was the monkey for me. My mom has a doll collection in a display case that would creep you out like no other. YES, she had the monkey with the cymbals and thank the lord, sold it!


  17. hkollef Says:

    Had to vote for the monkey. It combines three of the creepiest things in the world: windup toys, monkeys, and windup toys. Did I say that twice? I think it’s justified.


  18. wordswithnannaprawn Says:

    I’m getting the ‘stuffed human being’ reference as well……I did a photography course last year and we had to look at Victorian photographs of the dead……posed with their living relatives……I believe one was in the act of reading a book – just wrong in so many ways and makes the monkey almost bearable…..unless of course you’ve read Le Fanu’s Green Tea.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      There’s a medical anomaly museum in philadelphia where the first president has been stuffed and is, apparently, brought out for annual staff meetings.

      People are weird.


  19. Howlin' Mad Heather Says:

    Teddy Ruxpin scarred me as a child. My cousin had one and it malfunctioned, making him a lot like Linda Blair in “The Exorcist.”


  20. mj monaghan Says:

    Yeah, creepy picture up there, B! Voted Ruxpin – my kids had one early on. Horrible!


  21. PCC Advantage Says:

    I was torn between Teddy Ruxpin and the cymbal monkey for creepiest toy – cymbal monkeys have terrifying faces, but Teddy Ruxpin can talk and blink his eyes…in fact, I’m pretty sure that he could eat a cymbal monkey.

    Okay, decision made. Teddy Ruxpin it is.


  22. Angie Z. Says:

    That photo is terrifying. I have always had a phobia of Sears Wishbook ventriloquist dummies, particularly “Lester”. But cymbal-clapping monkeys (anything monkey really) come straight from my nightmares.


  23. halefire323 Says:

    Actually the most creepy toy I’ve ever seen wasn’t on the list. Porcelain dolls!!! Aka Stabbity Dolls. The older they are the more creepy they become!! Growing Up Skipper came in a close second though.


  24. Elemi Fuentes Says:

    I think I’ll go from cymbal monkeys after ‘the monkey’ story from S.King.


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