Hey, Blogosphere! Are You Ready To ROCK?? (If Not I Can Wait…)

March 25, 2012


The world’s rock bands need your help!  Clearly, the world is running out of viable names for rock bands, as the emergence of more and more strained, awful band names come up, such as !!!(pronounced “chk, chk, chk”), And They Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, and Dance of the Mourning Child.  Obviously, this is nothing new.  Over the decades we’ve endured things like Mott the Hoople, W.A.S.P. (which, it’s important to note, is not an acronym for anything in this case), Limp Bizkit, and Panic! At The Disco.

And the story of where their name comes from is even worse. It actually could make you physically nauseous. Don't waste the Google search.

It goes on and on. But no more!

You see, after the other day, talking about the Wesboro Baptists referring to Radiohead as “freak monkeys with mediocre tunes” I mentioned that Freak Monkey and the Mediocre Tunes would be a great band name. Funny, ironic, self-aware. It would also work as a solo act, Freak Monkey, if you introduced yourself as “I’m Freak Monkey and these are my mediocre tunes! 1, 2, 3, 4…!”

You see, the solution is all around us.  All that’s needed is for creative geniuses – like us – to simply glance at the news.  Not only is it an endless supply of horror and pessimism, it can be a terrific resource for the name of your next band.

For example, just glancing at the headlines…

Obviously, he'd get dibs on the name. Fair is fair.

A man who is monitoring military actions in Sudan via satellite for George Clooney’s activist group described it as “counting tanks from space for George Clooney.” = Handsome George and The Tanks From Space.

An unbelievably boring article about the new plan for getting enough water to Las Vegas = The Vegas Hydro Pump Plan

Review comparing the new Hunger Games movie to the Twilight series = Hunger Outruns Twilight

Obama’s controversial pick to take over the world bank = World Bankhead

Something about stocks, or investing or something = Boom Savvy


Just make sure whatever name you come up with rocks at least this hard.

And now it’s your turn, for this week’s Weekly Question of the Week: What’s the best band name you can create from what’s happening in the news right now?

Consider it a humanitarian service.  Your gift to rock ‘n roll.

Also, be sure to check out the winner of the previous Weekly Question of the Week and Byronic Man’s Blogger of The Week, and to vote on this week’s finalists!

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

View all posts by The Byronic Man


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93 Comments on “Hey, Blogosphere! Are You Ready To ROCK?? (If Not I Can Wait…)”

  1. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Cardiac Dick

    (Dick Cheney receives heart transplant story)


  2. 1pointperspective Says:

    Callista and the Sister Wives

    (Newt Gingrich asked his then-wife Marriane to allow him to continue his relationship of six years with Callista – now his current wife)

    Alternate Band Title, same topic: The Bitches of Newt


  3. k8edid Says:

    Pope Embargo (Pope visits Cuba)
    Messy Weather (Today Show weather coverage)
    Crippled Regime (Iran)


  4. BrainRants Says:

    I’ll let you name my band should I ever acquire musical talent and form one.


  5. Alison Armstrong Says:

    Article about hydraulic fracturing (fracking) in NZ led by Canadian fracking specialists-

    Link to article- http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/6633784/Hawkes-Bay-official-raps-fracking-critics-after-sponsored-trip

    Bandname: Frack-Off Days.

    Style: NZ Dub (similar to Fat Freddy’s Drop- http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=eCJg63SziL4 )

    First hit single: Battlestar Canadia
    (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7KcpgQKo2I )


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I could see an entire Galactica tribute band – like all those Harry Potter bands. Kara Thrace and The Special Destiny. The Stoic Adamas. Songs like “Feelin’ Like A Cylon,” maybe. Or, “Can’t Help Lovin’ That Baltar.”


  6. susielindau Says:

    First of all, Woohoo! I am so excited that I won the WQW! What a fun contest.

    Headline band names:
    – Forever Stupid (with our government in mind)
    – Fried and Baked (the way our earth will soon be with global warming as well as many college students in preparation of the end of the world in December)
    – Raging On (encompassing all of the haters in the news)
    – Bordering on Irrelevance (what all of the citizens in the US feel like in relation to Congress

    Great article and prompt! Hey, I was wondering how much it would cost per day to include my link in the WQW winner’s box?


    • Dave Ritsema Says:

      Ultrasound Mandate


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      There’s a link on the main page now; sorry about the delay. It’s a clunky process, this whole Sunday morning plan of mine. I may not have thought it out well. The funny thing is it started out as a, “Sunday’s are slow. I’ll just throw up a quick question.” Then the questions turned in to a chunk of work to think up. Then I felt obligated to have some kind of post with it. Then I added a poll. And a Winner. And a “Blogger of the week.” Hopefully it’s catching on, and/or I’ll streamline the process a bit!


      • susielindau Says:

        I thought Sundays were supposed to be “a day of rest…” Sheesh that seems like a lot of work! I think it is catching on and when they see their link is included, that is a huge prize!
        Thanks Byronic Man!


  7. Lobidu Says:

    Hahaha, this is an awesome idea.

    I’m reading a german Newspaper, so this is what I get from there:

    Rockets From North Korea (Well, that’s obvious)
    Being Irrelevant (The now-at-3% german liberal democrats try to get back on the public agenda)
    The Vessel And No Captain (That japanese ship that showed up after crossing the pacific all on its own)


  8. Lenore Diane Says:

    The Hash Tags (#twitter)
    Fight the Flour (Kardashian)


  9. atothewr Says:

    Johnny hates Jazz updates their styles and sounds with a brand new name in order to capitalize on the New York Jets controversy: Sanchez hates Tebow


  10. tomwisk Says:

    Cheney Loves Santorum Two heartless b@#$$%s who think the poor should listen to music about and by rich folks.


  11. freddyflow Says:

    Anything with Santorum.

    Or, actually:

    “Anything With Santorum.”


  12. Michelle Gillies Says:

    The headlines from my hometown (Niagara Falls, ON) are all about this…

    “Severed horse’s head found in back of truck”
    “Horse decapitated, head left in pickup truck‎”

    So I would go with “Decapitated Horse Head Pickup Truck”
    or just “Decapitated Horse Head” (much catchier).


  13. thesinglecell Says:

    1. Badly Drawn Boy (oh, wait… that would be a great name for a Romney Etch-A-Sketch inspired band if that band did not in fact already exist)
    2. Newt the Moon
    3. 23 Foster Kids (Bachmann’s alleged family)
    4. Rick Santorum and the Sinners In the Hands of An Angry God
    5. The Froth (re: Santorum, Google version)
    6. Unnamed Sources (all-encompassing)
    7. Occupy (obvious reasons)
    8. The Beltway (as in DC’s beltway, often invoked as the border between those who “get it” and those who don’t – how hipster is that?)
    9. Grandma’s Death Panel (obvious reasons)
    10. ******** (in reference to the news recently that employers are asking potential employees for their Facebook passwords so they can scope out their behavior)

    …And I’m getting very edgy with this one:
    11. George Zimmerman and the Neighborhood Watch (the story isn’t funny, but still. Here’s the kicker: it’s a solo band. Not unlike Zimmerman’s “watch” was a solo endeavor.)


  14. barkinginthedark Says:

    witty post. i would be partial to a band named “Guitar Face.”
    in any case, continue…


  15. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    All I can think of is:
    “Punk’d in Space” (cuz Ashton booked his ticket) or
    “72 Hours of Flour” (ok, it was 72 days but that doesnt rhyme with flour, & the flour amuses me)


  16. FenderBender Says:

    The Nuclear Ambitions


  17. FenderBender Says:

    Ultrasound Garden


  18. Paul G. Eberlein Says:

    Here’s one:

    “The Triple-9 Plan” (in honor of everyone’s favorite Black Republican).


  19. interstitial_squirrel Says:

    The Hoodees (with first release album Everybody’s Son)
    The Constitutionally Incapables (with hit single “Virginia Glory Days”)
    Unmarried with Kids
    Nonlethal Aid feat. Sanctions on Syria


  20. Blogdramedy Says:

    Hoodie and the Blowhard

    (Play on Hootie and the Blowfish…a band Geraldo Rivera is big on. His comments on the Trayvon Martin case shows that his brain cells have all migrated to his mustache.)


  21. gojulesgo Says:

    Since I’m still hung up on news stories about trans fat…

    Trans Phat

    Trans-cendental Fat (this would be a one-man band)

    P.S. – Can’t wait for the Kutcher in Space post. Punk’d in Space is a pretty great band name.


  22. FenderBender Says:

    Pretty Penny and the Pumpers (high gas prices)


  23. FenderBender Says:

    Fretboard Frackers (US shale gas boom)


  24. Life With The Top Down Says:

    Breaking The 10…Rick Santorum “cursing at the media” and breaking a commandment.

    Civil Lefts …Representing the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman case

    Final Decision…Supreme Court Hearing Obama Health Bill

    Lucifer’s Awakening —Dick Cheney heart insertion


  25. FenderBender Says:

    Cockpit Defenders


  26. jamie Says:

    Again, I suck, for being so late, but what about (just for the joy of play):
    1. Occupy my Pants
    2. SweaterVest Republic
    3. Firin’ Squad (Mitt)
    4. Bachman Eyes
    5. The Walmartinets (low budget Mods – would also bring chemical burns into fashion)
    6. E. coli Rollers (take your pick of the food scares, but imagine a fringe religious group that eats tainted food instead of playing w rattlesnakes…..)


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