The world’s rock bands need your help! Clearly, the world is running out of viable names for rock bands, as the emergence of more and more strained, awful band names come up, such as !!!(pronounced “chk, chk, chk”), And They Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, and Dance of the Mourning Child. Obviously, this is nothing new. Over the decades we’ve endured things like Mott the Hoople, W.A.S.P. (which, it’s important to note, is not an acronym for anything in this case), Limp Bizkit, and Panic! At The Disco.
And the story of where their name comes from is even worse. It actually could make you physically nauseous. Don't waste the Google search.
It goes on and on. But no more!
You see, after the other day, talking about the Wesboro Baptists referring to Radiohead as “freak monkeys with mediocre tunes” I mentioned that Freak Monkey and the Mediocre Tunes would be a great band name. Funny, ironic, self-aware. It would also work as a solo act, Freak Monkey, if you introduced yourself as “I’m Freak Monkey and these are my mediocre tunes! 1, 2, 3, 4…!”
You see, the solution is all around us. All that’s needed is for creative geniuses – like us – to simply glance at the news. Not only is it an endless supply of horror and pessimism, it can be a terrific resource for the name of your next band.
For example, just glancing at the headlines…
Obviously, he'd get dibs on the name. Fair is fair.
A man who is monitoring military actions in Sudan via satellite for George Clooney’s activist group described it as “counting tanks from space for George Clooney.” = Handsome George and The Tanks From Space.
An unbelievably boring article about the new plan for getting enough water to Las Vegas = The Vegas Hydro Pump Plan
Review comparing the new Hunger Games movie to the Twilight series = Hunger Outruns Twilight
Obama’s controversial pick to take over the world bank = World Bankhead
Something about stocks, or investing or something = Boom Savvy
See?
Just make sure whatever name you come up with rocks at least this hard.
And now it’s your turn, for this week’s Weekly Question of the Week: What’s the best band name you can create from what’s happening in the news right now?
Consider it a humanitarian service. Your gift to rock ‘n roll.
Also, be sure to check out the winner of the previous Weekly Question of the Week and Byronic Man’s Blogger of The Week, and to vote on this week’s finalists!
The Byronic Man 
March 25, 2012 at 4:42 am
Cardiac Dick
(Dick Cheney receives heart transplant story)
March 25, 2012 at 8:29 am
Heartless Dick? I guess we all knew that already.
And, say, your posts aren’t showing up on my “Read Blogs” list. Has anyone else mentioned having that problem?
March 25, 2012 at 9:01 am
Hey, they aren’t showing up in mine, either. I missed the last one completely!! Of course, I am entirely to lazy to track down my favorite bloggers on my own. This must be fixed!!!
March 25, 2012 at 11:16 am
What? You, too? well that does it. WordPress is officially out to get me, I just know it.
March 25, 2012 at 11:19 am
And I was missing you so much – little did I know there was a post there just waiting for me!!!
March 25, 2012 at 11:32 am
There was? seems like so long ago when I wrote a post…glad you found me anyway, Katy. I think I’m the ‘fly under the radar’ blog of wordpress. I’m underground. You have to hunt me down to find me. this can’t be good for my stats….
March 25, 2012 at 11:11 am
Hmm…no, no one has mentioned that to me until now. But I’ve noticed wonky things with my own ‘read blogs’ list. I’ve missed some of yours B-man. It’s very annoying–having to actually track down other blogs and click on their links to see if they’ve posted recently. It’s all too much work for this lazy-ass blogger.
March 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm
I hear ya, sister…
March 25, 2012 at 6:16 pm
Yeah, I’m there, too. Then it dawns on me that I haven’t seen anything by X in a while, and feel like I need to comment on the 13 posts I’ve missed to show it’s not personal.
March 26, 2012 at 7:47 am
You know what’s really sad, Byronic? Your ‘Heartless Dick’ makes so much more sense as a name for a band and is much funnier than my ‘Cardiac Dick’. sigh.
March 31, 2012 at 8:54 pm
Cardiac Dick! It’s a crime that wasn’t in the finals.
April 1, 2012 at 4:01 am
I thought it might make a good name for a punk rock band…
March 25, 2012 at 4:51 am
Callista and the Sister Wives
(Newt Gingrich asked his then-wife Marriane to allow him to continue his relationship of six years with Callista – now his current wife)
Alternate Band Title, same topic: The Bitches of Newt
March 25, 2012 at 8:28 am
Gingrich is just a model of family values, isn’t he? He was even up front enough to blatantly say that people should do what he says they should do and ignore what he personally does.
March 31, 2012 at 8:57 pm
Shorten it to Newt Bitches, & you got a winner…..
April 1, 2012 at 4:23 am
NOW you tell me!
April 1, 2012 at 4:24 am
…but I already made T-shirts!
March 25, 2012 at 5:20 am
Pope Embargo (Pope visits Cuba)
Messy Weather (Today Show weather coverage)
Crippled Regime (Iran)
March 25, 2012 at 6:17 am
And from the newspaper:
Tainted Meat (although this might not be good for the band members’ love lives)
Tight Formation (the Blue Angels are in town)
March 25, 2012 at 8:25 am
I could see a certain demographic who would appreciate a band called Tainted Meat.
March 25, 2012 at 11:02 am
Tied with the tainted meat, I’d suggest an all girl group, “Pink Slime”.
March 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm
I am afraid that I can visualize that demographic, as well.
March 25, 2012 at 8:26 am
Very nice.
March 25, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Etch-A-Sketch Rhetoric
Punched Ticket
Common Tax Mistakes
Flour Bomber
Okay, I am going to stop this madness and work on my lesson plans, file my tax return, and maybe shave my legs. But this is way more fun.
March 25, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Tonight, and the Palladium! “Stop This Madness” with opening acts, “The Lesson Plan” and “Shave My Legs”!!! Don’t miss it!!
March 25, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Nicely played, B-man. Nicely. played.
March 25, 2012 at 5:57 am
I’ll let you name my band should I ever acquire musical talent and form one.
March 25, 2012 at 8:26 am
All I ask is 35% of whatever profits you make.
March 25, 2012 at 6:28 am
Article about hydraulic fracturing (fracking) in NZ led by Canadian fracking specialists-
Link to article- http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/6633784/Hawkes-Bay-official-raps-fracking-critics-after-sponsored-trip
Bandname: Frack-Off Days.
Style: NZ Dub (similar to Fat Freddy’s Drop- http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=eCJg63SziL4 )
First hit single: Battlestar Canadia
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7KcpgQKo2I )
March 25, 2012 at 8:25 am
I could see an entire Galactica tribute band – like all those Harry Potter bands. Kara Thrace and The Special Destiny. The Stoic Adamas. Songs like “Feelin’ Like A Cylon,” maybe. Or, “Can’t Help Lovin’ That Baltar.”
March 25, 2012 at 7:05 am
First of all, Woohoo! I am so excited that I won the WQW! What a fun contest.
Headline band names:
– Forever Stupid (with our government in mind)
– Fried and Baked (the way our earth will soon be with global warming as well as many college students in preparation of the end of the world in December)
– Raging On (encompassing all of the haters in the news)
– Bordering on Irrelevance (what all of the citizens in the US feel like in relation to Congress
Great article and prompt! Hey, I was wondering how much it would cost per day to include my link in the WQW winner’s box?
March 25, 2012 at 7:09 am
Ultrasound Mandate
March 25, 2012 at 8:21 am
There’s a link on the main page now; sorry about the delay. It’s a clunky process, this whole Sunday morning plan of mine. I may not have thought it out well. The funny thing is it started out as a, “Sunday’s are slow. I’ll just throw up a quick question.” Then the questions turned in to a chunk of work to think up. Then I felt obligated to have some kind of post with it. Then I added a poll. And a Winner. And a “Blogger of the week.” Hopefully it’s catching on, and/or I’ll streamline the process a bit!
March 25, 2012 at 8:26 am
I thought Sundays were supposed to be “a day of rest…” Sheesh that seems like a lot of work! I think it is catching on and when they see their link is included, that is a huge prize!
Thanks Byronic Man!
March 25, 2012 at 10:06 am
Oh my Goshhh! That is a HUGE shout out! I would imagine your contest will go viral with an amazing prize like this! Thanks so much!
March 25, 2012 at 7:44 am
Hahaha, this is an awesome idea.
I’m reading a german Newspaper, so this is what I get from there:
Rockets From North Korea (Well, that’s obvious)
Being Irrelevant (The now-at-3% german liberal democrats try to get back on the public agenda)
The Vessel And No Captain (That japanese ship that showed up after crossing the pacific all on its own)
March 25, 2012 at 8:18 am
I didn’t hear about the Japanese ship. Interesting. Ghosts, one can hope?
March 25, 2012 at 11:14 am
The Hash Tags (#twitter)
Fight the Flour (Kardashian)
March 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I like!!
March 25, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I’m afraid to look up the Kardashian one…
March 25, 2012 at 6:20 pm
And, say – if you called your band #Rock band, to be all meta, and someone tweeted it, would it have to be ##Rock band?
March 25, 2012 at 7:13 pm
No. But now that you spell it out – it is a fabulous branding/marketing idea. #Rockband would be be noted every time someone the two words with a #.
I compare it to the Kleenex brand vs tissue.Need a kleenex?
March 25, 2012 at 11:55 am
Johnny hates Jazz updates their styles and sounds with a brand new name in order to capitalize on the New York Jets controversy: Sanchez hates Tebow
March 25, 2012 at 6:21 pm
But how does Sanchez feel about jazz?
March 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Cheney Loves Santorum Two heartless b@#$$%s who think the poor should listen to music about and by rich folks.
March 25, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Well, if musicians were any good they wouldn’t be poor, so clearly we should only listen to rich musicians.
March 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Anything with Santorum.
Or, actually:
“Anything With Santorum.”
March 25, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Love it.
March 26, 2012 at 5:06 am
Thanks! As you may know, columnist Dan Savage gets royalties every time someone uses “Santorum” in its secondary, more precise meaning…
March 26, 2012 at 8:10 am
I always wonder if Santorum knows about Dan Savage and “santorum.” I’m guessing no. I’m guessing there’s a very powerful force-field keeping that little tidbit out of his awareness.
March 29, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Yes, just like the very powerful force-field that keeps naughty little tidbits (and big ones too) out of his a(warene)ss.
March 31, 2012 at 9:01 pm
I was thinking, in ref to Santorum’s thoughts on homosexuality: PornogroGay. (& by the way, I know this is all over and I suck for jumping in so late, but how can I resist?!)
April 1, 2012 at 11:18 am
Nice! And no, you don’t suck for jumping in late, but don’t tell ol’ Ranger Rick–he might be into that…
March 25, 2012 at 2:03 pm
The headlines from my hometown (Niagara Falls, ON) are all about this…
“Severed horse’s head found in back of truck”
“Horse decapitated, head left in pickup truck”
So I would go with “Decapitated Horse Head Pickup Truck”
or just “Decapitated Horse Head” (much catchier).
March 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Something tell me this would not be an adorable Boy Band.
March 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm
1. Badly Drawn Boy (oh, wait… that would be a great name for a Romney Etch-A-Sketch inspired band if that band did not in fact already exist)
2. Newt the Moon
3. 23 Foster Kids (Bachmann’s alleged family)
4. Rick Santorum and the Sinners In the Hands of An Angry God
5. The Froth (re: Santorum, Google version)
6. Unnamed Sources (all-encompassing)
7. Occupy (obvious reasons)
8. The Beltway (as in DC’s beltway, often invoked as the border between those who “get it” and those who don’t – how hipster is that?)
9. Grandma’s Death Panel (obvious reasons)
10. ******** (in reference to the news recently that employers are asking potential employees for their Facebook passwords so they can scope out their behavior)
…And I’m getting very edgy with this one:
11. George Zimmerman and the Neighborhood Watch (the story isn’t funny, but still. Here’s the kicker: it’s a solo band. Not unlike Zimmerman’s “watch” was a solo endeavor.)
March 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm
WOW
March 25, 2012 at 2:35 pm
What? I said it wasn’t a funny story and I admitted I was being very edgy. 🙂
March 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm
No, it’s just that you are on such a roll!!! I was going to do something Hoodie but couldn’t come up with anything that wasn’t totally tasteless and heartbreaking.
March 25, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Man, the muse struck, didn’t it?
And if you think referencing one of my posts with #4 will work… boy, have you got my number!
March 26, 2012 at 6:44 am
Sorry… overkill? Today I’m feeling rather partial to #5. It’s sort of cracking me up. And yes, your post did inspire #4, though I have always had fond memories of the week we studied that essay, alongside “A Modest Proposal.”
March 26, 2012 at 8:03 am
No, not overkill at all. That’s one of my favorite things, when someone takes the question and runs with it.
And that’s interesting to compare “Sinners” with “Modest Proposal.” Hard to say which one’s more far-fetched. Too bad only one of them’s intended to be…
March 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm
witty post. i would be partial to a band named “Guitar Face.”
in any case, continue…
March 25, 2012 at 6:25 pm
That does have a nice, absurdist bent.
March 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm
All I can think of is:
“Punk’d in Space” (cuz Ashton booked his ticket) or
“72 Hours of Flour” (ok, it was 72 days but that doesnt rhyme with flour, & the flour amuses me)
March 25, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Don’t even get me started about Kutcher going in to space… actually go ahead, since I’m posting about it in the next day or two.
March 25, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Yeah, I figured that’d be right up your alley !
March 25, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Hey, since NASA never hired you, maybe we could start up a “Send Byronic Man to space “campaign & buy your ticket as well !
March 25, 2012 at 6:57 pm
That would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
March 25, 2012 at 6:21 pm
The Nuclear Ambitions
March 25, 2012 at 6:26 pm
That is a crazy rockin’ name for a band, I must admit.
March 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm
Ultrasound Garden
March 26, 2012 at 8:21 am
They could have songs like “Black Hole Sonogram” or “Rusty Crib”
March 25, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Here’s one:
“The Triple-9 Plan” (in honor of everyone’s favorite Black Republican).
March 26, 2012 at 8:11 am
They could do a double-reference: “Plan 9-9-9 From Outer Space”
March 26, 2012 at 4:16 am
Snooker On The Brain
Or perhaps
Pool Cue Brain Skew
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/british-man-has-pool-cue-tip-removed-from-brain-after-accidentally-skewering-himself/story-e6frfku0-1226310735413
March 26, 2012 at 8:10 am
“PCBS,” to its fans.
And that story is horrifying.
March 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Wikipedia already has a cool bio for this band if you look up PCBs.
“Due to PCBs’ toxicity and classification as a persistent organic pollutant, PCB production was banned by the United States Congress in 1979 and by the Stockholm Convention on Persistent Organic Pollutants in 2001.”
March 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm
“Duuuuude! These guys are bad-ass!”
March 26, 2012 at 10:38 am
The Hoodees (with first release album Everybody’s Son)
The Constitutionally Incapables (with hit single “Virginia Glory Days”)
Unmarried with Kids
Nonlethal Aid feat. Sanctions on Syria
March 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Sanctions of Syria is actually pretty catchy sounding.
March 26, 2012 at 10:47 am
Hoodie and the Blowhard
(Play on Hootie and the Blowfish…a band Geraldo Rivera is big on. His comments on the Trayvon Martin case shows that his brain cells have all migrated to his mustache.)
March 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Oh, God. What on Earth did Rivera have to say about the Martin case?
March 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Since I’m still hung up on news stories about trans fat…
Trans Phat
Trans-cendental Fat (this would be a one-man band)
P.S. – Can’t wait for the Kutcher in Space post. Punk’d in Space is a pretty great band name.
March 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Probably need a ‘z’ or two (Tranzz Phat) to give that little extra bit of cred.
March 26, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Pretty Penny and the Pumpers (high gas prices)
March 26, 2012 at 5:33 pm
Fretboard Frackers (US shale gas boom)
March 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm
There’s a lot you can do with “Frack.” It’s just asking for puns.
March 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Breaking The 10…Rick Santorum “cursing at the media” and breaking a commandment.
Civil Lefts …Representing the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman case
Final Decision…Supreme Court Hearing Obama Health Bill
Lucifer’s Awakening —Dick Cheney heart insertion
March 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Santorum cursed?? He broke a commandment?? I have to look this up. This is very exciting!
March 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Simmer down..lol…I was praying for an F-bomb only to find out he said “bull shit”, which is not in my personal collection of “curse” words.
March 28, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Cockpit Defenders
March 31, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Again, I suck, for being so late, but what about (just for the joy of play):
1. Occupy my Pants
2. SweaterVest Republic
3. Firin’ Squad (Mitt)
4. Bachman Eyes
5. The Walmartinets (low budget Mods – would also bring chemical burns into fashion)
6. E. coli Rollers (take your pick of the food scares, but imagine a fringe religious group that eats tainted food instead of playing w rattlesnakes…..)