A commercial I shot recently is finally done – the company it was for has been unsure how to best utilize it (I assume they’re concerned whether or not the world is prepared this much wonderfulness), but I can share it now, at least. So I’m officially finished with that one. Yay!
Here it is, for the interested. No, I’m not in it, although that’s my voice narrating at the end:
This cat.
You know why it’s done? Because it’s for a product called “Cats,” instead of a production involving cats. It’s a crucial difference. I’m actually finishing up another commercial for the same company and… it’s a little rocky. You see, since the product is called “Cats,” this commercial involves the participation, cooperation and on-cue action of a cat. A real cat. Therefore, as anyone has ever owned, met, or heard of a cat may have surmised, things got complicated.
The initial planning involved a lot of real cat activity. Cats interacting with people, sitting, responding on cue and engaging in specific actions. Ah, those were the days… so naive, so carefree. Then, as things got closer and the shot-by-shot planning came about, we got more realistic; Then we got started and the plan shifted to “Okay, we’re going to film a blur of a fake cat whizzing by, then insert the real cat later. Much later.” And thus the bulk of the day was spent hurling a fake cat at actors. Ever tried to throw a stuffed cat so it looks like it’s lunging at something? Of course not. Why in God’s name would you? Well, it’s harder than it sounds. It’s harder than anything, actually. Harder than Chinese math. Harder than stale Grape Nuts. Harder than bull’s-eyeing a womp-rat in a T-16.
Here's a shot from making the first one. See how relaxed we all look? Know why? No cats.
The kicker, of course, is that we’re needing the cat to do cat things. Chase a toy or laser-pointer. Meow. Lie there. Areas where cats really excel. But that’s because you’re not asking them to do it. Pleading. Cajoling.
One moment involves a cat, who is by nature very cranky, being cranky. But he has to hold still. That wasn’t happening, so finally I scattered a little catnip and he nestled right in. I’m a genius!
Then he was so mellow from the catnip he couldn’t get angry about anything. I’m an idiot!
Kitty's not here, man.
The shot involves someone being scared, trying to get his keys from this crazed, cranky cat and, even after I tinkered with the footage and added a yowl, he looked – at worst – like someone’s harshing his buzz a little.
It’s getting there, though. Now I’m at a point where the cat is largely implied. It’s going to be a conceptual meditation piece on catness, rather than merely focusing on some physical entity.
I’m hoping the next product they make should be called “Sandwich” or “Glob of clay” or even just “Inert.” Anything but “Cats.”
The Byronic Man 
February 9, 2012 at 6:29 am
Lucky for you the product isn’t called ferrets. Or mothers-in-law.
February 9, 2012 at 11:30 am
Ironically, my ferret’s mother-in-law is just a peach.
February 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm
THIS. This is the best comment I think I’ve ever read.
February 9, 2012 at 6:38 am
Great spot !
Could’ve been worse, could’ve been called “Brat”.
You’d go from “Kitty’s not here” to “I’m here, meet my every whim” temper tantrums (& catnip does not work, I’ve tried).
February 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
You need “bratnip.” It’s pretty hard to find. I think Hobbits grow it.
February 9, 2012 at 6:44 am
I just have to say that I laughed so hard when the waiter said to the girl, “So, my band’s playing this weekend…”
Also, I would buy a product called “Sandwich”…no matter what it was.
February 9, 2012 at 11:32 am
Thanks. I was especially pleased with the waiter’s dialogue, most of which you can’t hear. The script also has him saying, “You know, I work out a lot” which I just laughed and laughed over.
October 15, 2012 at 9:17 pm
I think that was mainly funny because I know the guy (although didn’t in the days of the trucker-‘stache, thank gods for small favours) and that is totally something he’d be doing…
Also, I’m currently working on reading my way through the entire backlog of Things You Have Blogged. It’s taking a while, but providing much-needed giggles. So thanks for that.
February 9, 2012 at 6:59 am
I can only imagine. I also recommend avoiding any project that involves toddlers. They have a lot in common with cats – they don’t like to be told what to do, and they’ll scratch you if you get too close.
February 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm
So, I should take a pass on the new “Cats ‘N Tots” promo?
February 9, 2012 at 7:00 am
Yessss!!! You’re FAMOUS!! I was not expecting the commercial to be in this post (based on the title)! Awesome. The waiter is hysterical. “Send All!”
GREAT job, B-Man!!
I cannot wait to see the next one. I’m totally on board for a conceptual meditation piece on catness.
February 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Thanks, it was quite a bit of work, editing-wise, but I happy with the results.
And “famous” might be a strong term, but, you know… I’ll take it.
February 9, 2012 at 7:08 am
What was it W.C. Fields said? Something along the lines of hating to work with kids and animals. By animals, he probably meant ‘cats’. Nice commercial!!
February 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm
They certainly would be in the top 3. And thanks!
February 9, 2012 at 7:33 am
This commercial is awesome!
Oh, and I’ve done the “I’m a genius! No, wait…I’m an idiot.” far more times than I’d care to say.
February 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Hey, did you catch the Star Wars reference? Eh? Eh?
Speaking of which – are you going to go see Phantom Menace 3D?
February 9, 2012 at 7:38 am
The CATS device is interesting. I suppose it’s an encrypted short range RF or WiFi back to the POS system?
February 9, 2012 at 1:24 pm
I’m pretty sure it’s magic.
And it is a pretty cool idea, really.
February 9, 2012 at 8:32 am
Nice Star Wars reference! Catnip sounded like such a great idea… Maybe they can call the product called “Bats”? Then you’ll really have fun!
February 9, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Thanks, I wondered how many people would catch that.
February 9, 2012 at 9:12 am
Oh, geez. I’ve been so corrupted by work, I wondered why the “e” in Excel wasn’t capitalized.
*headdesk*
Video-watching will happen tonight. Hurrah!
February 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Take my Word for it, being in the Office too much turns your brain to Adobe.
February 9, 2012 at 10:21 am
Great commercial, nice work, Byronic!
February 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Thenk yew.
February 9, 2012 at 11:28 am
After a week of being ill, I took today to recover by reading blogs… especially those that made me laugh. (I haven’t done any work, I’ve answered no email or even thought of a single chore 😉 ) This is my last read of the day and I have laughed, and laughed the most. I could ‘see’ my cats doing (or not doing) exactly what you described with words.
I just have to start reading… “this commercial involves the participation, cooperation and on-cue action of a cat. A real cat” …and I start laughing hysterically. My tummy muscles are so sore from laughing. I don’t even want to get started on what happens to our male cat when my son give him catnip… oh my gosh! Thanks so much for the great read, for sharing… and for inspiring laughter, it has been fun.
February 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Well, I’m glad I could be a worthwhile finale to blog-fest! And thanks for reading. And yes, I think as a cat owner, just the concept of filming a cat is enough to induce visions of chaos.
Hope you’re feeling better.
February 9, 2012 at 10:10 pm
I’m feeling much better thanks! And no I’m not a blog stalker… just had to have one more read for breakfast to start my day with laughter. *Grin* Thanks… I just know it’s going to be a fabulous Friday.
February 9, 2012 at 3:26 pm
I’m impressed out of my mind that you do this for a living. And a second commercial, wow, although the thought of working with actual cats conjures up the loss of at least one of my eyeballs. My son and a friend used to make commercials for a local pizza place and a local restaurant delivery service. They made one of the commercials at my house, using local actors. My job was to stay up in the attic with the dog. I felt like Cinderella.
February 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Well, it’s only supplemental, “living”-wise. So, far be it for me to convince you not to be impressed, but I also don’t want to totally misrepresent myself. I will let you know, though, the moment there is more to be impressed with.
February 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Great commercial. Ya know . . . not showing the actual “animal” very much didn’t work out so badly for Mr. Spielberg. Just sayin’
February 9, 2012 at 6:50 pm
“We’re gonna need a bigger kitty-carrier.”
February 9, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Great job! And hunting womp-rats isn’t so hard. I did it all the time at… oh. Right. That’s the pretend part.
February 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Did I ever tell you about the time this guy Greedo cornered me in a cantina to collect the bounty on me? He was all “I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time.” And I was like, “Yes, I bet you have.”
And then I totally shot first. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
February 9, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Maybe next time try animated cats. Paula Abdul did it once, and look how things worked out for her. You could be American Idol’s next judge!
February 9, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Or get the actors from the theater production of Cats to play the cats. I hear they take direction better but are unionized.
Great commercial, by the way! I’m really impressed.
February 10, 2012 at 7:31 am
I bet for that Paula Abdul video they wanted to use a real cat, then after a few hours just yelled, “God! Let’s just animate the damn thing!”
February 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Absolutely loved the commercial! If you need a cat extra, my Chloe is really good at ignoring everything. EVERYTHING. And that’s what you’re looking for, right? A REAL actress? One who knows how good she is and shows up two hours late because you’re on HER time and you know it?
I’m, I mean SHE, is asking $15 per hour. And she’d like a trailer filled with Cheetos. Let me know.