Resolve to Make Resolutions

December 31, 2011

Humor

First thing’s first – I don’t want a panic on my hands.  Yes, this is Your Weekly Question of the Week, but it’s Saturday!  Has the world gone crazy??  No.  Well, yes, probably, but not in connection to this.  One, I’m seizing this opportunity on the last day of 2011 to show you that anything can happen!  The darkest heart can learn to love!  War can turn to compassion!  Breakfast can be eaten at night!  Two, I probably won’t feel like posting tomorrow morning, and  you probably won’t feel like reading.

Yay! Next resolution: Brush teeth.

So, then!  Resolutions.  Some people are devoted, some people think they’re a waste.  Some get a wee ambitious with them (“Become an Iron Man Tri-athlete by February”), others go for the self-esteem route (“Take out the garbage.”  ‘Hey, I did it!  I’m a winner!’).

Personally, I’ve always kind of liked them because they help me think about what I’d like the coming year to look like.  Gives me a sense of optimism and clarified hope. At least until around October, when it becomes clear that none of it’s going to happen, and I have to drown those hopes at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey and tears.  But up to that point, they’re quite motivating!

My resolutions for 2012?  Well, I’m still working on them.  One of my resolutions for next year, though, is “Finish resolutions sooner.”  I’m also considering:

Yup, world ending. It's pretty plainly right there.

“Make friends with a Mayan.”  Obviously, this would be so that on December 22, 2012, when the world hasn’t ended or transformed or anything, I can say, “Ha!  Way to predict, loser!” And laugh and laugh.  Then say, “Hey, if you guys are so smart, how come your calendar didn’t end on the day the Spanish showed up?  Ha ha ha!  Zing!”  Then apologize because that probably went too far.  On the flip side, if the world did end, I could say, “Hey, whatever’s up, bear in mind that I’m close friends with Itzananohk’u!”

“Make The Byronic Man the most popular blog in the world.”  This will, obviously, involve a lot of slander and sabotage against most of the blogs in the world.  So, you know, right up front: sorry.

Hey, Palau, you're supposed to have amazing scuba diving. How are you for corrupt dictators?

“Become the corrupt dictator of a small island country.”  They just always look like they’re having so much fun.

And then there are, of course, the more realistic resolutions, about exercise, having more fun, etc.  I always like to have a resolution about trying 10 things I’ve never done before.  They can be little, like eating something I’ve never eaten, or bigger, like visiting somewhere I’ve never been, but I always think that one adds a nice sense of adventure.

So then… how about you?  For Your Weekly Question of the Week question for the week of December 31, 2011: What are your New Year’s Resolutions? 

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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23 Comments on “Resolve to Make Resolutions”

  1. Walter Says:

    I’ve decided to dance in public more often: in the super market, at the gas station and the dog park for starters.

    Reply

  2. gojulesgo Says:

    Oh man, you are in for an exciting 2012. As dictator, will you or will you not support the wearing of slap bracelets by all citizens?

    I resolved to make a proper calendar and send people cards for things like their anniversaries (I still haven’t started this, and my vacation is running out). Oh and drink more water (that I’ve done! And the New Year hasn’t even STARTED! Take THAT!).

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I tend to get angry at people who send me cards, because it’s only at that moment do I think of doing the same for them. Maybe that should be my resolution: accept that people should care about my significant moments, and stop feeling bad that I ignore theirs.

      Reply

  3. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Well Ill be right there with you next October. I’ll be drinking gin instead…This year, I am vowing to do something out of my comfort zone, like go back to singing in a choir or acting. Let’s see if I can actually get the guts to pull it off. I have this sneaking suspicion I should probably just stick with easy resolutions like: Wake up every day or Breathe. Give myself a chance to succeed.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      People always say “do one thing every day that scares you” which is great advice in concept, but after a couple months of that A) you’d be a nervous wreck and/or B) nothing would scare you, plus C) it’d take the better of the day figuring out more things to scare yourself with. Maybe shooting for something each month or so to really shake yourself up with sounds like a good plan, though.

      Reply

  4. Joanna Langada Says:

    LOL…well, I decided it was time to make lists of how to fail in 2012 for myself, my friends and clients in my last post. Avoiding what’s on those lists should be interesting…but there’s more. I want to learn how to make a decent dish that includes white asparagus, master chocolate truffles, write a short blog post for once, memorize at least 2 poems I love, use the word ethos in at least one sentence, buy candles when they’re on sale, and find a duster that actually works. I am optimistic…except about the duster! 🙂 Cheers!

    Reply

  5. Lenore Diane Says:

    I resolve to just be me. And me. And me. Me, too! Don’t forget me!!
    (With so many personalities, this resolution could prove challenging.)

    Reply

  6. Blogdramedy Says:

    I have a backlog from when I first joined the resolution club many moons ago. At last count, I’m good until 2050.

    Reply

  7. madtante Says:

    I think you’re on the right track. With so few weeks left before The End, who else is going to race you for these goals? Your time has come, Lord Byron!

    Reply

  8. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    If the mayans are right, all of us get a freebee on the resolution thing because we didnt get a full year to complete.them….here’s hoping!

    Reply

  9. Rocket Says:

    I actually resolved not to resolve. But then I figured out that kinda contradicts itself. :/
    Then I made waffles. Happy New Year! 🙂

    Reply

  10. Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface Says:

    I think I would like to worry less in 2012, which probably means I shouldn’t make any other resolutions.

    Reply

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