Author Archives | The Byronic Man

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Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

The Acronym: Scourge of Our Times? Okay, Probably Not “Scourge”.

December 30, 2010

4 Comments

I have, what I have come to accept as, a strange pet peeve.  It is not my biggest pet peeve (can anyone know that?  I mean, there’s a thin line between, say, your biggest pet peeve, and your smallest actual “issue” or “cause” or “hate”) nor is it my most ironic (that would be my […]

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A Very Prufrock Christmas

December 20, 2010

1 Comment

I am not, by nature, an organized person.  I tell my students this on the first day.  Because of this, I have a strict system for keeping track of their papers.  It involves a virtual Rube Goldberg device-like system of baskets and trays. I recognize this weakness in myself, and have compensated in a way […]

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Press Conference Excerpt From When I Am President: #2

December 16, 2010

2 Comments

President Me: … farm allocation thing.  Next question?  Bill. Bill: Doesn’t it seem risky to dump the entire defense budget into space exploration? PM: I don’t follow. B: Well, I mean, we’re… okay, let me ask you this: what is it that you’re hoping to accomplish that requires 50% of our federal budget? Samantha: And […]

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They Can Also Scoff, Sneer, and Snort Sarcastically.

December 12, 2010

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Plain and simple.  There’s just no masculine way to call a cat. Even if there isn’t someone in the vicinity – and there usually is, and it’s usually some guy dismantling the engine of his car down to individual molecules or something – you still feel the sting of it.  Try it sometime.  Try to […]

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Obviously, It Will Be In 3D. Obviously.

December 8, 2010

1 Comment

So I’m a big fan of Christopher Nolan’s films.  I’m particularly a fan of his collaboration with his brother Jonathan, because his brother is a prose writer, primarily, and lends a really interesting literary undercurrent to the films.  People who hated the end of Dark Knight tend to hate it because it wasn’t a very […]

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And That, Ming-Mai, Is Why I Pretended Not To See You At The Bus Stop.

December 1, 2010

5 Comments

Any time someone says they’re afraid of something, people immediately label it a “phobia,” which is, let’s face it, silly.  You stand on the edge of a high cliff, look out over the side amidst gusts of wind and then step back saying, “whoa” or something and people say, “Oh, you have a fear of […]

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“Well sir, if you’re going to bring nice, leather luggage, you’re going to get claw marks.”

November 24, 2010

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There’s this hotel M and I love at the coast – which  I suppose right there gives away a sense of my geographic location… People don’t really talk about going to the “beach” in Oregon.  It’s not just idiomatic, it’s just that going to the “beach” carries a set of expectations with it: bathing suits, […]

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Oh, Mike Score Was The Lead Singer Of A Flock Of Seagulls

November 12, 2010

6 Comments

Many years ago I tried to take a new approach to first dates.  Instead of dancing around the “getting to know you” questions, I tried to come up with some fun questions to just throw right out there.  Full disclosure: these questions were only field-tested once in an actual “date” capacity, and it was a New-Coke-level […]

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