Well, last week, of course, was a terrible week. We saw the very darkest of humanity – a horror that we can’t even quantify. So, I thought, for my Sunday question I’d zero in on something positive. Something that gets us thinking about who we admire so much we just hope they never fall from grace (and even if they did something horrible, we’d rather just not know).
This inspired 3 separate arguments in the comments section.
So.
You know.
Good job, me.
I wasn’t planning on posting again today, but I thought I’d throw out a few just great things that human beings have made. Because ‘tis the season, and all that.
And Patient Bear. Of course.
Bouncy Castles. They’re kind of castles. And they’re kind of trampolines.
Hot chocolate with the little marshmallows.
Eradicating Small Pox. I know this is in a different league, but really – well done.
Gin & Tonic.
4-Way-Stop Intersections. No reason they should work. None. And occasionally some jerkbags blows through, knowing it’s not his turn. But the overwhelming majority of the time? Like some massive collective agreement, we all just participate and wait our turn.
The Muppets.
Sledding. “Hm, the world is cold and barren and lifeless.” “True. But I bet we could climb up there and sit on a board and just fly down that hill!” “Let’s do it.”
The Godfather. Any species that can make a movie that good can’t be all bad.
Mini-golf.
Curry.
Winter Holidays. Almost every culture and religion has created a holiday around the winter solstice. The darkest day of the year and people throughout the globe said, “Hey, we should light some lights and have a really good meal and give gifts to each other.”
Back-Scratchers. Just a rock-solid good little invention.
Please add your own thoughts on great things humans have thought of below!
The Byronic Man 
December 17, 2012 at 7:26 am
Your dog greeting you at the door like you’re the best person on earth–and to her/him, you are.
December 17, 2012 at 11:57 am
Domesticating dogs was a great idea just all around.
December 18, 2012 at 2:58 am
I agree. And those dogs have, in turn, trained us pretty well!
December 17, 2012 at 7:26 pm
I’ll go with that one!
December 18, 2012 at 2:59 am
Nothing like your dog turning itself inside out for you–and you’ve only been gone five minutes!
December 17, 2012 at 7:27 am
Junior mints, Tolkien, kisses from little children, really good coffee, great blogs like yours.
December 17, 2012 at 11:58 am
I’m going to mangle your kind comment in to a quote that I am as good as Tolkien.
December 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm
(:
December 17, 2012 at 7:29 am
Ink pens. Zippers. Indoor plumbing!
December 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm
“indoor plumbing” – where’s my LOVE button?
December 17, 2012 at 7:31 am
You’ve gotta stop with the cryptic titles, man. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be taking away from this post.
Actually, it’s pretty effective. So easy to get really bummed out and down on people after a tragedy like this. It is paramount to stop and remember all the good stuff, too. Nice post.
And I would add those old school cheap ice cream sandwiches we used to eat as kids. Smiles times.
December 17, 2012 at 11:59 am
My blog post titles are all coded messages to the mother ship.
Oh wait, I wasn’t supposed to share that.
December 18, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Don’t worry, your coordinates are coming in clear.
December 17, 2012 at 7:31 am
Salad-shooters.
December 17, 2012 at 7:32 am
Walking barefoot in dew-covered grass. Except not in winter.
(I’m not very good at this, am I…)
December 17, 2012 at 11:59 am
Yeah, but sitting in a hot tub, then jumping directly into the snow is kind of a winter version of that!
December 17, 2012 at 7:33 am
The light bulb
December 17, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I’m convinced those are just a fad.
December 17, 2012 at 7:34 am
Running water, peanut butter balls, skiing and snowboarding.
December 18, 2012 at 6:36 am
I like that you separate skiing and snowboarding.
December 18, 2012 at 6:40 am
For me they are the difference between being able to navigate double blacks or greenies!
By the way, thanks for the snow! An elf named Ted told me it was coming in from Oregon. It dumped 12 inches in Breck last night and it is supposed to start tonight in Boulder. Yippee!
December 18, 2012 at 6:41 am
It’s been wild here. Blue skies, then white out, then freezing rain, then light snow, repeat…
Glad we could help!
December 18, 2012 at 6:48 am
We’ve had a super mild reeeeeally long autumn. Keep it coming!
December 17, 2012 at 7:36 am
The world really is an awesome place with tons of cool inventions, but my favorites are: crock-pot, internet and photographs.
December 17, 2012 at 12:01 pm
The Internet in particular is one to marvel at. When people seem too dumb for words I remember, “But, wow – we made an Internet!”
December 17, 2012 at 7:49 am
SURVIVOR! And please tweet @survivorcasting to let the folks know I’m serious about wanting to be on the show. I’m trying for the 5th time!
December 18, 2012 at 6:37 am
You know, I haven’t seen that show since it’s first season. Wow. Well, good luck!
December 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm
Seriously? I have NEVER missed an episode. Not one. EVER. Couldn’t you imagine me winning? Or totally annoying the other players and immediately being voted off? Either way, I’m cool with it.
December 17, 2012 at 7:52 am
This miracle:
http://theusualbliss.com/2012/12/17/bourbon-bacon-jam/#
Thanks for helping us thing of HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY things. 🙂
December 18, 2012 at 6:39 am
Seemed like a good time for it.
December 17, 2012 at 7:59 am
music, music, music
December 17, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Agreed.
December 17, 2012 at 8:00 am
Chocolate. Liquor. Cookies.
Those are all the things I used this weekend to try to bring back my happy. It failed miserably, but it’s at least a bit comforting to know that mankind created those things. And that they are there when we need them.
December 17, 2012 at 8:08 am
Chocolate.Liquor.Cookies. I read that without the periods and it was just as appealing.
December 17, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Especially really good liquor. Like, we invented booze but didn’t stop with “Hey, this makes you feel weird!”. We kept going to make it was specifically great as possible.
December 17, 2012 at 8:07 am
Aw. Okay. What’s the character limit? I’ll try not to name anything you’ve ever heard me talk about before. This is going to be hard.
Wow. This is hard. Apparently I talk about things I like on my blog a LOT.
Bubble wrap (just for popping), bendy straws, snow globes, origami, sloppy joe sandwiches, sushi, Jell-O shots, karaoke machines, soda cans (I love the sound they make when you open them), staplers, Legos, mayonnaise…
Sigh. I’ve actually mentioned half those things on my blog. Mayo seems like a good place to stop.
December 17, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Oh, yeah – Legos. What a great idea.
December 17, 2012 at 12:20 pm
I never properly thanked you for introducing me to true Lego wonder – I will never forget this post. …Ooh, look, almost exactly a year ago:
https://thebyronicman.com/2011/12/17/history-lego-style/
December 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Or, um, exactly a year ago. Did I mention I also love calendars?
December 17, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Wow, exactly one year. How cool is that?
December 17, 2012 at 8:10 am
That funnel-Christmas-tree-watering thingy. (I’m not sure that’s the actual name.)
Never have I been more pleased with an impulse buy. Now if they would only come up with a dipstick so I would know when the tree stand is full without any human effort.
December 17, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Funny – we encounter so many dipsticks in daily life, yet there’s never a useful one around when you need it.
December 17, 2012 at 1:39 pm
That would make a groovy bumper sticker.
December 17, 2012 at 8:11 am
You forgot bacon and Star Wars.
December 17, 2012 at 9:17 am
I was actually about to put on the Star Wars Trilogy and thought, “Someone will put that. Have faith.” So great job including it AND validating my faith in humanity.
December 17, 2012 at 9:20 am
The Force is with me.
December 17, 2012 at 8:20 am
BLOGGING
December 17, 2012 at 8:23 am
family, no matter how far away.
December 17, 2012 at 8:34 am
Shampoo, pianos, letter openers and chairs.
December 17, 2012 at 8:35 am
Bright colored markers (with scents), sticky notes, coffee, a Law & Order marathon on TV, and the squeeky sound of tennis shoes on a basketball court.
December 17, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Good call on the L&O marathons. Sometimes that show bores me to tears, but if you’re in the right frame of mind it’s just the greatest thing in the world.
December 17, 2012 at 8:54 am
Thank you for this. Just seeing the “happy” over and over made me feel better. I’ll add kittens to the list. I just got one, and he’s adorable!
December 17, 2012 at 9:08 am
Making others smile, confetti, string lights, fresh linen, heaters.
Great post Mr. B! 🙂
December 17, 2012 at 9:24 am
Domestication of dogs. Unconditional love is hard to generate in humans (and sustain, the whole unconditional thing) but dogs? At least we brought them to us. http://tinyurl.com/buw6rvq
December 17, 2012 at 9:38 am
Unicorns.
Wait… I guess that’s not so much… a… ‘human’… thing.
Or a ‘real’ one, either.
Technically.
So… you know… um… never mind.
December 17, 2012 at 9:44 am
WHAT???? Unicorns aren’t . . . aren’t . . . REAL?
My heart, she does break.
December 17, 2012 at 12:04 pm
But without unicorns there wouldn’t be that scene in Blade Runner with the unicorn which would mean Blade Runner wouldn’t be Blade Runner, and that would mean the world is worse than it currently is.
December 17, 2012 at 10:08 am
Chocolate!
I’ll never know how humans ever looked at those pods and thought, “I bet we can get something delicious out of this funny looking thing.”
PS – Rock on, Gonzo. Rock on.
December 17, 2012 at 10:15 am
What, WordPress.com Happiness Engineers didn’t make your list? 🙂
December 17, 2012 at 10:35 am
Slinkies. They walk down stairs, alone or in pairs, they make a slinkitty sound…
December 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm
Well sure – everyone knows it’s Slinky!
December 17, 2012 at 11:23 am
Lasagne.
December 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Star Wars, anime, roller derby, Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit, card games, UV Cake vodka, and DDR.
December 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Cheese dip!
December 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Moondrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages tied up with string…
Oh, and I’ll second whoever said chocolate. And ale. And vinyl records, y’know, the sound the needle makes when it drops on the record. Oh, and The Beatles.
December 17, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Women. Caller ID. NFL Football. Bolt Locks. Restraining Orders.
December 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I love the progression of items in your comment. If it wasn’t intentional, it should have been.
December 18, 2012 at 6:54 am
Very perceptive of you.
December 18, 2012 at 3:34 pm
I’m rarely perceptive, but occasionally perceived.
December 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm
I can’t reply any further at risk of a restraining order.
December 17, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Never thought about it, but those four-way stops are quite the social experiment aren’t they? I almost admire those who just blow through: “how brazen of you, sir/lady. I hope you get a horrible rash today in your nether regions”
December 17, 2012 at 1:07 pm
Well… we like you, but nobody said we were supposed to like each other!
Ah well. Shoes is my answer. And pie, and the Clean Remote.
December 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm
As long as everyone likes me. That’s the important thing.
And pie is an excellent, excellent thing. Good addition.
December 17, 2012 at 1:08 pm
Laughter. I don’t think any other species does that. Nor does any other species need to, as much as we do.
December 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Sex. Babies. Karl Urban.
December 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm
umbrellas, wheelchairs, the thermos, India Pale Ale
December 17, 2012 at 4:21 pm
Music, Clorox Wipes, Austin Powers, Washing machine …not necessarily in that order.
December 17, 2012 at 4:54 pm
So, B-man, are you a middle child?
December 17, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Sleeping in, Dancing like a fool, toilet paper.
December 17, 2012 at 5:27 pm
I can’t express to you enough how much I love the title of this post. Really brightened my day. You’ve done the impossible.
My list: big fuzzy bathrobes, soft couches, laptops and cups of hot cocoa with little marshmallows.
I actually said the hell with it and went sledding today (our first snowstorm!) I laid down on my back, crossed my arms, closed my eyes and my son pushed me down a mountain and it was GLORIOUS.
December 17, 2012 at 7:05 pm
The Jeep – it can go to lots of places you will never take it.
December 17, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Thanks for such a smiley post! I must add Harry Potter’s Lego castle – best gift I ever bought for my son (yes it was for my son…), those outdoor folding chairs that have a little drink holder for your beer (go on play spot the Aussie now!) and the best for last …tropical strength aeroguard (nuclear powered bug repellant, in case you can’t get that where you are). Have a happy day.
December 17, 2012 at 7:26 pm
My additions:
-The written word. And books. Oh, books.
-“The Polar Express.” Robert Zemekis is totally my personal hero right now, because I needed some transporting magic and he gave it to me so good I watched it twice.
-Wine. Amen, I say to you. WINE.
-The internet. Cause it’s like sex. Even when it’s bad, it’s still good.
-Pizza. See immediately previous reasons.
-We figured out hugs. That was pretty brilliant on our part. Go humans.
-Chocolate
-High-definition television
-Butter
(I should stop now.)
December 17, 2012 at 7:27 pm
I’m thinking that poster is up there. I will go to bed with a smile on my face thinking of a patient bear just waiting for his pic-i-nic basket.
December 18, 2012 at 12:34 am
Bacon, pie, cookies, puppies, chocolate of any kind, PVR
December 18, 2012 at 2:09 am
Zydeco and salsa music (automatic party mood!), the sound of a toddler busting into laughter, lakes, travel and good books.
December 18, 2012 at 4:04 am
Milk Duds & treadmills. My sweat always smells a little like chocolate-coated caramel, but I insist it’s a match made in heaven.
December 18, 2012 at 4:37 am
“Hm, the world is cold and barren and lifeless.” “True. But I bet we could climb up there and sit on a board and just fly down that hill!” “Let’s do it.” <- YES.
Also, back-scratchers are brilliant.
Icecream, and even better, coffee icecream.
December 18, 2012 at 7:08 am
I love back scratcher, little wooden hand…oh bliss …fun blog posts like yours
mayans and witches …vodoo
December 18, 2012 at 8:39 am
Babies dancing. Inventing babies was a great idea. Then playing music for those babies and seeing them dance just takes it to a whole new level.
December 18, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Human inventions I enjoy: yoga pants, mad libs, wine, scotch tape, books, and I’m so with you on the bouncy castles. I rented one for a fall festival at my church. The festival ended an hour before pick-up time, so the hubs and I bounced around in there like fools for the entire hour. Every home needs a bouncy castle–jumping around is a work out (there’s no double meaning there).
December 21, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Mad libs!! The best.
December 18, 2012 at 8:52 pm
Space travel/exploration, the printing press, fermenting grapes and DRINKING them instead of saying “wow, that’s probably really gross by now” and tossing the whole thing, the concept of family, kissing.
December 18, 2012 at 8:59 pm
Humans converse, which makes for damn near endless entertainment. No other species seems to have that. They communicate, but it’s different. Actually we can even converse WITHOUT communicating so clearly we are extra special.
Hope the kidney bean is doing well. I can still vaguely remember my daughter being small enough to be held with only one arm. Now, she’s old enough to tell me she hates dinner, which is not quite as cute.
December 18, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Waltzing. Hugs. Theatre. (And theater.) Silver jewellery. David Bowie’s pants from the Labyrinth. Tim Curry in fishnets. Cashews. Lullabies.
December 21, 2012 at 9:59 am
I love this list! Especially the Muppets. One can’t be sad when Muppets are around.
December 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Mini-golf…yes! I would take it further and say mini-golf where the course has an adorable theme. Maybe like the Seven Wonders of the World theme from the movie Overboard?
I need to try harder to read blog posts in real time. I needed this post a week ago.
December 27, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Like Pavlov’s dogs, who salivated when the bell rang, I itch at the mere mention of the words “back scratcher.”
*digging with single-minded purpose through my desk drawer looking for mine, then scratching my back victoriously with it once I find it*
Ahhhhh.
Not cool, man. That really distracted me from your blog. I couldn’t even get to the rest. But of course, how could you know what would elicit a Pavlovian response from me? Sigh.
December 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Oh, I just went back and finished it. Looks like I only missed a sentence. Okay, I forgive you. 😉
December 29, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Actually, my entire blog is an experiment in psychological phenomena. Now, what in your childhood do you suppose gives such a strong attachment to back-scratchers?