The Picked-Up Artists

May 19, 2012


After last week’s Question of the week (what are the worst pick up lines you can think of?) I got a lot of responses.  Being a responsible Question-asker, I field tested them and can report that they are all, in fact, terrible.

Hey man, sorry you struck out and that she called you so many bad names. On the upside, from where I’m sitting, that was freaking hilarious!

Okay, that’s a lie. Some of them I couldn’t even consider for finalists because they were just disturbing.  It’s a sad, lonely world, isn’t it?  But then sometimes it’s a great world, because we can laugh about things and post them online and win attention and prizes!  Hurray!

First off, the winner of last week’s finalists regarding the button you’d  most like to see added to WordPress posts was supplied by Angie Z of Childhood Relived.  The button you’d like to see?

“I didn’t read this whole post but I know it’s been a while since I stopped by and I don’t want you to think I don’t read or like you anymore.”

Very nice.  Sometimes I think we have the equivalent already, called the “comment that relates to what the title makes it sound like the post is about, but it’s not,” but this would be far more efficient and straightforward.

So, congratulations Angie Z! Not only are you my featured blogger for the week, but WordPress should be contacting you shortly with that job offer.  Hold out for a corner office in WordPress World Headquarters.

Before voting for this week’s finalists, two quick things:

1. Boy, the Facebook IPO… that was not a bang but a whimper, wasn’t it?  People were watching that like a tennis match – live “How Rich is Zuckerberg Now?” updates and such… all so the stock could end the day right where it started.  Poor Mark Zuckerberg.  Still only worth 20 billion dollars.

Hey, Byronic Man! I was to be thinking that your post yesterday am of the most hilarity!

2. If you read my post yesterday before 4pm or so, you may have become concerned that I’d suffered some sort of head trauma. I’ve never had a post with that many typos.  There’s never been a blog post with that many typos.  Spambots have better grammar than yesterday’s post.  There were two  typos in the title, for God’s sake. Two.  In the title.  I’m fine, but, apparently I was more tired than I thought this week.  I must have read over it 8 times yesterday and at no point did I not find at least one more typo.  There’s probably more, if you want to go on an easter egg hunt.  In any case, horrifying.  Sorry.

Okay, I suggest trying out these pick-up lines before voting, to see what kind of reaction you get.  Or, if you’re one of those people who’s “weird” about getting punched and/or arrested, you can just vote for the one you like best.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

View all posts by The Byronic Man


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43 Comments on “The Picked-Up Artists”

  1. susielindau Says:

    How did I miss the typos? I guess I always assume that I am being stupid and don’t know these “new” words. 🙂 I had one yesterday and caught it right after posting thank god. Usually this happens when I quickly add a few sentences AFTER running spell check! OOOPS! We have all been there!


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I, you know these words. The title was initially “22 Years Since Mt. St. Helens Open A Can Of Whoop-Ass On Us.”

      It’s been 32 years, and since it’s in the past, a past-tense version of “open” might be logical. And that’s just the title…


  2. Valentine Logar Says:

    I just made the assumption you intentionally left the typo’s in so didn’t say a word about them. Next time I will jump all over them with both hands, pointing out all your errors with glee (that is glee as in happiness, joy not GLEE as in the insipid television show).


  3. freddyflow Says:

    About those typos… As an expectant father, you are probably suffering from Pre-Paternal Paralytic Palsy. Better up your dosage of Happitame. (“I’m not a doctor, but I play one on the Web.”)


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Actually, I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to take Happitame if you’re within 10 feet of a pregnant or nursing woman.

      I actually submitted that to a magazine and they said they get, “way too many ‘medication side effects’ pieces.” I told them that I see way too many humor publications. Zing! Take that, successful magazine!


  4. skippingstones Says:

    Darn it all – I want to see the typos, too! You snooze, you lose.

    Congratulations to Angie Z.! (Boy, a week goes by fast.)


  5. thesinglecell Says:

    Seeing as how I know you and I are like-mindedly crazed in our grammatical and spelling obsessions, I’m a little sad that I missed all your mess. I didn’t read til late. Please re-posed the jacked up version for comparison.


  6. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Oh, just you wait until that baby’s here. Your brain cells start dying at a faster rate. I didn’t even notice your typos. After two kids, I consider myself lucky I have the one brain cell left. Oops, too late, think that’s gone now too.


  7. gojulesgo Says:

    Oh I am to be ashamed most of embarrasing. I didn’t even notice any typos in your last post!

    Congrats to Angie on her well-deserved win!! This round is great, too. I’m STILL thinking about some of the more disturbing entries…


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Wouldn’t it be fun to spend a day talking like a spammer/spambot? Walk in to work saying, “Beneficial morning! How were your finishes of a week?”

      Hm… that gives me a post idea…


  8. pegoleg Says:

    Congrats to Angie! Sorry I missed your typo post, Byronic, it somehow ended up in my spam file.


  9. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    That truly is the perfect WP button ! As for also not noticing the typos,I plead the fifth (“have three kids, a dog and cat”)


  10. Archon's Den Says:

    Next time, you might want to try “whip-ass” or “whup-ass.” If you’ve got a whoop-ass, you might want to stay away from the burritos. Then you could pore over Dead Sea scrolls. Just sayin’….that I hate that phrase.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      It is a strange phrase – even just the word “pore.” How do you “pore” over something? Do you “pour” your attention on it? Are you reading it so close you see the “pores”?


  11. Elyse Says:

    You think we read</i? your posts, Bryonic? Me, I just head on down to comment randomly. Doesn’t everyone?


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I assume people read, then re-read, then read aloud to whoever’s around, then forward to friends and relatives, then discuss at work, then re-read after the day to digest and contemplate, then go to a Byronic Man chat-room to discuss the day’s post. That’s reasonable, isn’t it?


  12. Elyse Says:

    Oops. I did a typo.

    Congrats, Angie! I want that button. But it will be awfully big.


  13. Lenore Diane Says:

    The Picked Up Artist was a great movie. Your review was dead on, Byronic. I’m impressed. Wait. What?


  14. Angie Z. Says:

    Kickass! I just got home from vacation an hour ago, and finding out that I won this week’s blogger feature is so much better than the giant pile of laundry (and the tiny pile of cat vomit) sitting on my bedroom floor right now. Hooray!

    Great group of answers this week. I might have to dig deep into my memory bank (deeeeeep since I’m a married 36-year-old and haven’t heard a pick-up line in a decade) and try to think which of these would be the most offensive. Right now I wouldn’t mind hearing any of them.


    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Ah, the pile of cat vomit. Without it, life would lose all structure.


      • Angie Z. Says:

        This might be the best reply to a comment ever written in the history of time (and the history of time includes a lot cat vomit, if I’m correctly recalling my 9th grade Egyptian Studies lessons).


    • Elyse Says:

      Congrats. But another vacation. Sheesh. I want your job.


      • Angie Z. Says:

        You’re going to feel so badly when I tell you this, Elyse, but rest assured I forgive you because I love you. I have left my state three times in 6 years. Twice to Texas to visit my brother and once (this time) to Colorado. That right there is what you call “separation anxiety”. Mine, not my children’s. I’m wiggety-wiggety-whack, and it’s my own damn fault.


        • Elyse Says:

          But Angie, you just got back. You saw your brother, who unlike mine, comments on your blog. And it was just last week, right?

          So sorry for your psychiatric problem, although I knew there had to be one. I just chose, ummm, poorly.


  15. benzeknees Says:

    I was reading late too Byronic & didn’t get to see your posts with all the errors in it – would have like to see that! Congrats to Angie, if it couldn’t be me, I’m glad it’s her!


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