That Really Pushes My Buttons

May 6, 2012

Humor

WordPress, it seems, is always looking for ways to improve its sense of community, and finding ways for bloggers to find and connect with each other.  Also, they seem to enjoy having your “follow” lists blink in and out, so that sometimes you’re following a blog, then you aren’t, so you re-follow, then suddenly you’re getting two notifications each time they post, and that seems a little excessive, but you hate to un-follow them… but that’s a separate issue.

A “button” button might also be nice.

The real issue is all the buttons they provide for getting involved with people’s posts.  But, in their ongoing efforts to improve, what other buttons could they include for you to have?

For the tortured artist types who like to be fueled by torment: “This was good… probably the last good thing you’ll write”

For people providing recipes: “My aunt made this once and we all got food poisoning.”

For people writing humor: “Coffee came out my nose.”

Well, okay, I do own a TV, but only because I won it… in a reading contest. And sometimes I’m setting books down and they land on the remote and turn on Project Runway for 4 hours at a time…

For people writing about television: “I don’t own a television and felt compelled to make sure you know that.”

For commenters: “I hit ‘submit’ on my comment, and a microsecond spotted my typo.  I hate that.”

For general purpose: “I am having chest pains.  Please call an ambulance.”

See? The possibilities are just endless!

But what else?  For the Weekly Question of the Week this week:  What new buttons would you like to see on WordPress?

P.S. Also – a few of you may have noticed that yesterday did not reveal finalists for last week, or a new featured blogger.  Part of that was because I was writing about Adam Yauch passing away, part of it was because last week I was in the midst of a shameless attempt to Jules’ contest over at Go Guilty Pleasures, and so the question of the week was barely a question; so we’ll gloss over that, and continue the voting for best poem, and the current Featured Blogger.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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72 Comments on “That Really Pushes My Buttons”

  1. Michelle Gillies Says:

    I would have used “The Coffee Came Out My Nose” button a lot on your page. I would like to see a button that says “All the really clever comments have already been posted!”

    Oh, and a big congrats to 1pointperspective for being able to sneak in an extra week as blogger of the week because of your gloss over. I’m thinking he earned it for being a “bridesmaid” so many times. 😉

    Reply

  2. She's a Maineiac Says:

    One button I could really use:

    I’d love to leave a comment, but to be honest, your writing is so good I’m intimidated and scared and can’t come up with anything clever to leave as a comment to save my life so I’ll just click this button instead to play it safe, but to also let you know I am simultaneously in awe and very jealous of you.

    Reply

  3. Anastasia Says:

    A choice of two buttons “read in full but too tired to comment” and “skimmed, bored, didn’t finish”. Just so we know what 96 page views REALLY means.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      On the flip side, a “I read this twice, thoroughly, and then once to someone else” even if it’s a lie. Kind of like how newspapers base their readership on x-number of people reading the paper per subscription, or per copy they leave in airports. Just to make ourselves feel better.

      Reply

  4. linneann Says:

    I could use a button that simply says, “It’s “you’re,” not “your.”

    Reply

  5. 1pointperspective Says:

    How about a button which says “I just posted a piece about that same topic several hours ago and your post is funnier – thanks for making me look stoopid!”

    On an unrelated topic; your lack of attention to the contest will result in my lovely bald pate staying up on your blog for another day?! Yee-Haw!

    Reply

  6. k8edid Says:

    You may, or may not, remember my previous posts “WordPress Buttons I’d Like to See” http://k8edid.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/wordpress-buttons-id-like-to-see/ and “More WordPress Buttons I’d Like to See” http://k8edid.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/more-wordpress-buttons-id-like-to-see/

    Apparently, my “theme” is one of the few that allows you to bed visual thingies in your comments

    There are some others, but today I’d like to see one that says “Don’t forget to unclick the little box unless you want a bazillion e-mails, Dumbass” and “Follow This Blogger – Good Luck with Getting any of My Posts, Sucker”.

    Reply

  7. WSW Says:

    I’d like an eject button so that I’d know how many times people bailed halfway through my post and exactly where it happened. Not that they DO, but just in case…

    Reply

  8. every record tells a story Says:

    What about a “meh” button for a post you read to the end, but weren’t sure it was a great use of the last five minutes of your life. I think my blog would be splattered with that one.

    Reply

  9. Elyse Says:

    How about “I’m way too polite to tell you this post sucked”?

    Reply

  10. sj Says:

    The Morning After “I’m really sorry I posted this on your blog while I was drinking last night, I’m not as funny as I thought” button.

    Reply

  11. tomwisk Says:

    How about a bailout button for those who’re watching Bolivian porn to switch to “Philosophers We All Know And Love” website? Not that I’d need it.

    Reply

  12. Valentine Logar Says:

    I only want one….Edit your Comment

    Reply

  13. gojulesgo Says:

    I think they should beef up the ‘like’ button to, “I like this post, I like you, and you’re also very attractive.”

    Reply

  14. susielindau Says:

    The latest is WP started automatically checking the “Notify me of follow-up comments via email,” so we get every comment on posts we comment on UNLESS we uncheck the box before we “submit comments.”
    I think they should have grades of the like button such as “kinda like,” “really like, and LOVE!

    Reply

  15. thesinglecell Says:

    Not unlike Facebook, I feel there is a clear need for a Dislike button. Perhaps in varying gradations: “Dislike”… “Intensely Dislike”… “Hate”… “I Don’t Even Know What This Means”… “WTF Is Your Problem, A–hole?”… and “On Second Thought, Maybe I DO Favor Internet Censorship”
    Also: “How Is It Possible You Have More Followers Than Me? Are They All Your Mother?”… “You’re an Idiot”… “Not Everyone Should Write A Blog, You Know”… “Here’s A Link To ‘Hooked On Phonics'” (I could go on…)
    And the less hateful: “Read Dutifully As Subscription Implies But Have Nothing Useful To Contribute To Comments, Just Want You To Know I’m Still Reading Your Work”… “Yes, Totally Agree”… “OMG We’re the Same Person”… “Brilliant”… “Finally, Someone Who Understands Me”…
    Huh. I may have gone on a bit of a button bender.

    Reply

  16. crubin Says:

    For the pervert: “Click this button for a live, nude reading of this post.”

    Reply

  17. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    A variation on 1pointperspective’s button –
    I would like the “Kevin Bacon” button, whic notifies you if a blogger within seven degrees of separation has blogged about the same subject within the last month so you can avoid looking like an idiot ….

    Reply

  18. Angie Z. Says:

    An “I didn’t read this whole post but I know it’s been a while since I stopped by and I don’t want you to think I don’t read or like you anymore.” button. I wouldn’t use it but I certainly know bloggers who should.

    Your TV caption might be one of the best captions I’ve read in ages and proves that I really should take the time to write captions like I once did. Maybe if I wasn’t too busy watching TV.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I could use an “I’m sorry I don’t come by more often! I want to, I swear! Oh my God, there just aren’t enough hours in the day, are there?” button.

      Reply

  19. Soma Mukherjee Says:

    Hilarious ..Oh i loved that food poisoning button option..
    Given a choice i would love to have a
    “what does that even mean” , ” my soul left my body while i tried to understand what you wrote” Or a simple “????” button..

    Reply

  20. freddyflow Says:

    New button: “Wow, great post–it took my roomful of monkeys with typewriters two whole days to replicate it.”

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Are you a Simpsons fan? I can’t read “roomful of monkeys” without thinking of the episode in which Mr. Burns chains a thousand monkeys to typewriters so that eventually they’ll write the greatest novel of all time. Then he reads over one’s shoulder, “It was the best of times, it was the… blurst of times?? You stupid monkey!”

      Reply

  21. Paul G. Eberlein Says:

    For the obsessive-compulsive: “Make sure that you click this button; never mind why, just click it to be sure that you clicked it, because if you don’t you’ll have to click this button again to make absolutely double-sure that you clicked it properly.”

    Reply

  22. becomingcliche Says:

    I would add a “This really wasn’t your best work. Gupta Sangya could do better,” button. It’s my most inspirational spam comment. That I get repeatedly. From Gupta himself.

    Reply

  23. pegoleg Says:

    A button that says “Click here to get $$$”, but that secretly takes them to my blog.

    Reply

  24. spilledinkguy Says:

    I could use a ‘fix-it-now’ button on my dashboard under ‘all posts’.

    Reply

  25. cassiebehle Says:

    “You must be Catholic” – a button for all those parental blogs discussing children and how they’re expecting…again!

    Reply

  26. benzeknees Says:

    I’d like to see a button “So sorry you’re sick, hope you feel better soon” in addition to the Like button, so you don’t end up saying you like someone is sick.
    I’d also like a button “Huh?” for those blogs you’ve just wasted 10 minutes reading & they made no sense
    And how about a “Good try” button for when you’re not sure what else to say

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      That’s actually a good idea – some sort of “I appreciate this post.” When someone shares the abuse they suffered as a child, or discusses the death of a beloved pet, it feels a bit macabre to “like” it.

      Reply

  27. Lorna's Voice Says:

    Okay, I need a button that says: I have nothing new to add, but I read every $#$%$# word of this post and comments, so I want you to know I was here.

    Reply

  28. madtante Says:

    The reps got an “easy button” that really works. I got to use it today when I asked WTF a client meant by “mortar and pestle more like 100 years ago.” How the fuck “older-fashioned” do you get than the mortar and pestle we designed for you? IT’S A MORTAR AND PESTLE! And btw, that’s fine that they want a change but “like 100 years ago?”

    Here’s what they meant: remove the lines (or the sort of “woodprint” effect we’d used. Remove THE LINES? ::slaps Easy Button::

    Reply

    • madtante Says:

      …this is why I normally talk about coworkers and not clients. I yell less about coworkers; they amuse me. Clients usually make me mental-er.

      Reply

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