Won’t You Like Me? Won’t You Really Like Me?

December 15, 2011

Humor

7 Reasons Why You Should “Like” The Byronic Man on Facebook:

  1. I like being liked.  If you like something, and I like that you did, you may like knowing that.  Look at that!  We are exponentially increasing the happiness in the world!  This could very well start a chain reaction, like a cup of water in the ocean at a time, that creates total world happiness and peace on Earth.  And who doesn’t like that?
  2. "Hard to believe just a few days ago I didn't Like The Byronic Man, and I didn't have my job as professional beach-hammock tester."

    Luck.  Bill Sanderson of Madison, Wisconsin Liked The Byronic Man, and 3 days later landed his dream job.  Lura O’Meara of Boston, on the other hand, didn’t Like The Byronic Man and got plague.

  3. I know tons of famous people, so it’ll be as if you know the famous people.  Well, okay, currently I know one famous person.  And, sure, “know” might be a strong term.  Matthew Fox, who played Jack Shepard on Lost, goes to my gym.  We’ve had a few conversations, exchanged curt nods.  But, of course, I think it’s pretty important to note that we are both stoic, tortured men, so these nods carry a lot of meaning.  They sort of said,  “Hello, Matthew Fox.  Good to see you.  I enjoyed Lost very much, even the final episode, so don’t listen to everyone else.”  “Thanks.  It’s good to see you, too.  You seem to be a man of real refinement and taste, and your abs are looking great.  Say, do you know of any good humor blogs?”  “As a matter of fact I do.  Would you care to have the address?”  “I would like that very much.  I would Facebooklike that very much.  I will tell my celebrity friends so that it will soon be code for who is hot and who is very much not: whether or not they are familiar with your blog.”

    "WE HAVE TO LIKE THE BYRONIC MAN, KATE!!"

  4. Every time you “like” The Byronic Man, an angel gets its wings.  I think I saw it in a movie once.
  5. Are you calling Zuzu a liar?

    “Hold on, Back up… Didn’t Matthew Fox recently get accused of punching a woman?  What kind of celebrity friends are these?” you ask.  For starters, yes, he’s been accused of punching a female bus driver in Cleveland, but he hasn’t been found guilty, and you wouldn’t jump to conclusions if he wasn’t famous, so don’t be like that.  Also, though, if it did happen, it’s important to remember that the human body completely replenishes its cells every few months and we had our first conversation several months ago, which means that the Matthew Fox who wants you to like The Byronic Man is literally not the same person.  In addition, we exchanged a nod once that pretty distinctly said, “Hello, Byronic Man.  How are you?”  “Well, Matthew Fox, I’m pretty tense.  Mad at the world.  Feel like going out tonight, having a lot to drink and punching a woman with a CDL?”  “CDL?  Ohio’s license allowing the driving of over-sized commercial vehicles?”  “That’s the one.”  “Well, Byronic Man, I would not like to go do that with you, as that is not an outlet of anger I find acceptable, and suggest you find a more positive way to vent.”  “Hm.  Food for thought, Matthew Fox.  Food for thought.  Thank you.”  So, there you go.  In fact, it’s almost as if by liking The Byronic Man, you are endorsing not punching women!

  6. Cash & Prizes!  About once a month I’ll select one lucky Facebook Liker (okay, that sounds gross, but you get my meaning) to win something.  Will it be a $1,000 gift certificate to Amazon?  A walk-on role on one of your favorite TV shows?  A dream date with Matthew Fox?  A mention or interview on The Byronic Man?  Who knows!?

    Why, the prize could even - theoretically - be a ride on Air Force One!

  7. Being a trail-blazer.  I’ve got a feeling that The Facebook is going to really catch on, and this is your chance to get involved at the ground floor.  To be in on it before everyone knows about it.

Bonus reason.   I like you.

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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20 Comments on “Won’t You Like Me? Won’t You Really Like Me?”

  1. becomingcliche Says:

    My dog would like the date with Matthew Fox, please. Signing her up for a Facebook account as we speak.

    Reply

  2. Wazeau Says:

    I dunno, I feel comfortable “Liking” you on wordpress, but a Facebook like seems, well, like too much of a commitment. Not as much as actually Friending you – that’s certainly way too excessive. Maybe if it was Naveen Andrews or Josh Holloway…

    Reply

  3. BrainRants Says:

    I would FB like you but I actually don’t have an account. Instead, I ‘liked’ this post, and I will randomly spare someone’s life within the next month. And refrain from kicking a kitten on Tuesday.

    Reply

  4. James Kaliway Says:

    I mean, of course I gotta ‘like’ this. 😛

    Reply

  5. madtante Says:

    “Luck. Bill Sanderson of Madison, Wisconsin Liked The Byronic Man, and 3 days later landed his dream job. Lura O’Meara of Boston, on the other hand, didn’t Like The Byronic Man and got plague.”

    Everybody’s favorite part of the fwd!

    I don’t know who MF is, even with the photo you kindly used. He sounds scary. Why don’t you get to know Michael J. Fox? He seems nice and has Parkinson’s with is a real mfer. He could prolly use a good friend. -too crass?

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I know, I love in those forwards how they know what happened to the person who received the email, even though the email is just now being written. Maybe these chain-letter people are time-travelers?

      Reply

  6. She's a Maineiac Says:

    Matthew Fox? I am IN. Sure, he may or may not have punched that woman. But maybe she was telling him the finale was super lame and he finally snapped. (I thought the ending was perfect and Matthew’s performance Oscar worthy…be sure to tell Matty that next time he’s bench pressing next to you, thanks!) Oh, and if he’s not available for a date, I’ll go with Josh Holloway, I suppose.

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Yeah, I guess people always hate the “answer” to those mystery shows, but I couldn’t understand what people expected for an ending to a show as totally out there as Lost.

      And I’ll let Josh know to keep his calendar clear, just in case.

      Reply

  7. gojulesgo Says:

    Like like like like like like!

    Now. As for the date. I would like Matthew Fox to a) not punch me, b) not look down on me for not going to the gym, and c) reenact scenes from Party of Five, especially the way all of the siblings used to say “GOD” oh-so-emphatically before everyone else’s name with that same tiny little pause afterwards. (“GOD, Bailey, can’t you listen to me for one second. GOD, Claudia, get out of my room. GOD, Charlie, our parents are DEAD!”)

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      Okay, let’s see… here’s what I think I can do:
      A) I think you’re clear, but if you drive, maybe don’t pick him up in a luxury tour bus. And if you do, don’t refuse to let him on.
      B) He will not look down on you provided you remark at least 7 times how fit he is.
      C) GOD, Jules, that show was so LONG ago! He will only do 1 “GOD,” but in exchange, if you leave something at the restaurant or wherever, and say, “Oh, I left my wallet at the restaurant. WE HAVE TO GO BACK, MATT!” He will chuckle appreciatively and say, “Ah, that’s funny because that’s what I said on the show that one time. Good one!”

      Reply

  8. angrymiddleagewoman Says:

    Now I just HAVE to Facebook like you because you know Matthew Fox. I want to be entered to win the date with him, or even a chance to go to your gym and nod at him, I want to go back to the island. I want to live together, not die alone . . . I want – wait, what was I talking about? Oh yes, of course I will Facebook like you! (I also need all the luck I can get)

    Reply

  9. MJ, Nonstepmom Says:

    Hmmm…I’m still searching the state for Mr. Depp – I can’t commit to being invested in two celebs at a time, too much work. And all this “Liking” stuff is just to Barney-ish for me. (I believe that stupid purple lizard gives me hives.) doesnt he even have a song “I like you, you like me….” Is your FB page as funny as this?

    Reply

    • The Byronic Man Says:

      I know, I wish there was some way to “connect” with the FB page, but it’s all about the liking.

      And the FB page is unbelievably funny. Shockingly funny. Funnier than the funniest person alive telling the best joke ever while you’re being tickled by an angel made entirely of laughing gas.

      Well, it’s at least moderately funny.

      Reply

  10. Blogdramedy Says:

    Does Facebook have a “tolerate” button? That I could push. 😉

    Reply

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