And with that, back to Buffy The Vampire Slayer

February 1, 2011

Humor

So, I’ve been silent for a while now.  Shameful.  I’ve had this cold that went off like a bomb and it rendered me incapable of any actions except complaining and making noises that would give children nightmares.

I don’t get sick very often, so when I do it is an exercise in hyperbole.  A catastrophe.  A near-death experience.  Something the Mayans predicted.  Something that is clearly ignored by the press only because of some shameful bias.

In fact, I think I go through the 5 stages of grieving every time, basically.

  1. Denial.  “It’s not a cold it’s allergies.  Yes, In January!  You know, they say that allergies can actually worsen in winter.  I don’t remember where I saw that.  In any case, that’s all it is.  And I’m incredibly, literally painfully tired.  Damn allergies, always giving me coughing fits…”
  2. Anger. “God damn it!  Sick?  I don’t want to be sick!  I don’t have time to get sick (always one of my favorite absurd statements)!… You know, you don’t just ‘get’ sick.  Someone gives it to you.  Someone gave this to me!  Son of a bitch! Who do I know that’s been sick…?”
  3. Bargaining.  [as soup is reheating] “Okay, if I can open the door of the microwave after the timer reaches zero, but before the beep goes off, then my reflexes are attuned, and I’m clearly going to be not sick anymore… wait for it… wait for it… Damn.”

    "You win this round, Microwave Beeper..."

  4. Depression.  “All my hopes and dreams… dashed because I’m too sick to pursue them.  Everything I’ve worked for, derailed in a few days.  Maybe it’s best that this thing is clearly going to kill me.  Not that anyone will care.”
  5. Acceptance.  “Hm.  Maybe I’ll make a hot toddy and watch some episodes of Buffy.  I suppose I should blog but… you know, sick.”
Advertisements
,

About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

View all posts by The Byronic Man

Subscribe

Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

4 Comments on “And with that, back to Buffy The Vampire Slayer”

  1. Barton Clements Says:

    Well, you’ve done it again. I see your blog posted and, while I am determined to get to work at what I am paid to do, I stop and read every word. I’m hooked, hopelessly in the web of the Byronic Man. It’s great here.

    Reply

  2. WorstProfEver Says:

    Feel better! Toddies and Buffy are a proven cure.

    Reply

  3. truthspew Says:

    Like you I too have serious allergies but mine are the entire tree and grass group as well as dogs and to a lesser degree cats.

    Used to be allergic to some fruits like peaches and strawberries. But stubborn persistence conquered that one.

    But the one odd side effect of such odd allergies; I rarely if ever get anything more than a day or two of the sniffles. People around me can be ghastly sick and I’ll just be humming a tune and doing my thing.

    Reply

    • Byron MacLymont Says:

      I’m allergic to trees, as well. I went to the allergist for that test and my arm just exploded in bumps. The Allergist actually said “Wow.” He said we could probably find a couple trees I wasn’t allergic to, but for simplicity’s sake, we’d just say “trees.”

      Reply

Every Time You Leave A Comment, An Angel Gets Its Wings.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: