Amaze Your Friends With These Little-Known Presidential Facts!

February 17, 2014


Three minutes in to the Gettysburg Address, growing increasingly irritated with murmuring in the crowd, Lincoln paused from his speech and said, “It means ’87 years ago,’ idiots.”

"Will this piece have groan-inducing puns?"  'All signs point to yes.'

“Will this piece have groan-inducing puns?” ‘All signs point to yes.’

There was no President Hayes.  As a cost-cutting measure, the president was replaced with a magic 8-ball.  Thus the phrase, “outlook is Hayes-y” was born.

Nixon refused to meet with China’s leaders initially, for the meetings that would go on change the global landscape, but finally agreed after someone reminded him of the old phrase, “Only Nixon Can Go To China.”

President Taylor and Tyler were the same person.  There was an unfortunate typo.

Contrary to popular belief, William Henry Harrison didn’t die because he contracted pneumonia after refusing to wear a coat to his inauguration. The fashion-conscious Harrison’s coat had 3 buttons in a time when 2 was fashionable and he “died of embarrassment.  Just died.”  Then he died.

One of these men is, in fact presidential bear Teddy Roosevelt.  Which one?  The answer might just surprise you!

One of these men is, in fact, presidential bear Teddy Roosevelt. Which one? The answer might just surprise you!

The Teddy Bear was named after Teddy Roosevelt when it was discovered that Roosevelt was, in fact, a Kodiak bear.

While widely interpreted as a rallying cry to get out of the depression, FDR’s “the only thing we have to fear” speech was actually his admission that he suffered from crippling phobophobia.

Phobophobia is the fear of fear.

During the 1960 presidential campaign, John Kennedy slept with every single woman in America over the age of 15.

Oh, hey, my mistake - there's a statue of you!  No, wait, that's me.  Ha ha ha.  Loser.

Oh, hey, my mistake – there’s a statue of you! No, wait, that’s me. Ha ha ha. Loser.

While the story of George Washington cutting down the cherry tree is, of course, apocryphal, it’s not entirely fictitious.  He did cut down a cherry tree as a boy, but it was a neighbor’s tree.  And upon being confronted about whether it was he who had done it, replied, “I’m George fucking Washington!  Who are you?  Nobody.  Some anonymous douchebag with an ex-cherry tree. I’ll lead the most improbable revolution in human history and be on the one God damn dollar bill, while you’ll be forgotten 15 minutes after you’re dead, except for having a tree I graced with my attention.  In fact, you know what?  Fuck it, I’m saying it was my tree.  Enjoy oblivion.”

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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25 Comments on “Amaze Your Friends With These Little-Known Presidential Facts!”

  1. BrainRants Says:

    President Garfield (?) was ambidexterous and could write in Greek and Latin simultaneously.


  2. speaker7 Says:

    Can you lend any creedence to the rumor that Ronald Reagan was actually a wax figure that escaped from Madame Tussads’ factory?


  3. Jackie Cangro Says:

    I remember an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall ranked the presidents by how dirty their names sound. Polk only made it to # 4.


  4. Elyse Says:

    Thanks for clearing up that info on the Gettysburg Address. I’ve been wondering for years what that meant … I can finally read the rest of the speech.


  5. samara Says:

    President Tyler is actually the President with the most children – 15, in fact. So disgusting that I devoted an entire post to him –

    I never pimp my blog. This is a first. I only did it so I have a chance to use the word douchecanoe in your comment section.

    Your welcome.


  6. colin Says:

    A nice way to start the day.


  7. JM Randolph Says:

    That was actually my family’s cherry tree. I always knew Washington had a good PR manager.


  8. LVital7019 Says:

    Take, THAT-History Channel! LOL It’d be awesome if I still had a K-12er at home … All I’ve got is a 20-something college-dropout who works (technically) part-time at the local ice-rink. 😦


  9. thinkingdiagonally Says:

    The National Museum of Health and Medicine keeps President Grant’s tumor under lock and key.


  10. stephrogers Says:

    I’m in Australia. When I quote these facts people really will be impressed


  11. Paul G. Eberlein Says:

    Phobo-phobia…If a person is so utterly afraid of fear that they have an aversion to it, does that make them technically brave by paradox…apparently not:


  12. FlatBrokeCoed Says:

    They really should incorporate that George Washington tidbit in the tour of the Capitol Building.


  13. redsall Says:

    Yep. Every one of those factual facts accords with the little of American history I learned here in Australia. Have you ever thought of being a Professor of something?


  14. pegoleg Says:

    Thanks so much! Those are definitely some…little-known presidential facts.


  15. Torbs Says:

    Phobophobia will eventually be the name of my next child…which I am totally phobophobic in creating! Love the word 🙂


  16. aaforringer Says:

    You tell’m George.


  17. silkpurseproductions Says:

    I needed a brush up on my Presidential knowledge. My American brother-in-law will be so embarrassed he doesn’t know any of this stuff.


  18. She's a Maineiac Says:

    man, Honest Abe sure was a grade-A asshole, huh.

    Fact: They used butter to free Taft after he got stuck in his tub.
    Little-known fact: Once I was briefly stuck on my couch after eating a tub of butter.


  19. Eagle-Eyed Editor Says:

    I’m surprised JFK had enough energy left over to run the country.


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