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Now,
It goes without saying
that this means I am a deadly super-spy,
put into sleeper mode, hidden amidst the sublimely mundane
Only faintly conscious of my true importance

Three minutes in to the Gettysburg Address, growing increasingly irritated with murmuring in the crowd, Lincoln paused from his speech and said, “It means ’87 years ago,’ idiots.” There was no President Hayes.  As a cost-cutting measure, the president was replaced with a magic 8-ball.  Thus the phrase, “outlook is Hayes-y” was born. Nixon refused […]

9:35am – Went to the grocery store.  People seemed frantic.  Grabbing anything they could find.  For some reason people were especially focused on cheese in jars.  Also beer.  Both non-perishable.  Has something terrible happened?  Bought some jar cheese, duct tape and battery-powered lanterns, just in case. 10:20am – Getting concerned. Overheard someone saying how much […]

Right now, we’re just a couple of guys, standing on the porch on a snowy night, talking about pudding. But make no mistake, fail to produce some figgy pudding and we will burn your god damn life to the ground.

I am thankful to have the whole family together this holiday evening, especially those who haven’t spoken to each other for so long, to share this special meal. I am thankful for this wonderful looking turkey, and the honor of carving it. I am thankful to hear the constant, joyful, piercing shriek of so many […]

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to write a terrible introduction with a sucky hook? Well, according to Brainyquote, someone named Jeffrey Dahmer once said, “A good introduction can make all the difference in succeeding in your plan.”​ Same with a bad introduction, only the opposite. In this blog post, I’m going […]

When teachers catastrophize, I generally tend to not buy in. When my colleagues complain about the latest bureaucratic stuff we’re expected to do, I figured you just ride it out. When somebody starts going on about how the students are getting dumber every year, or worse every year, or more feral every year (post-Covid fallout […]