Tag Archives: Humor

Fight Club: The Complete Rules

August 18, 2014


Oh, that's right, we're also expanding in to Fight-PIlates on Wednesdays and Friday mornings.

You do not talk about Fight Club YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. If someone says stop, goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Only 2 guys to a fight. One fight at a time. No shirt, no shoes. Fights will go on as long as they have to. If this is […]

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Time-Travel and Fish Vengeance: They Just Don’t Mix

July 28, 2014


Oh, Time Cop, right, the one with the splits and the cupboard... that one.

This is a recent, and real, posting on Craigslist, here where I live.  I’ve kept it exactly as is, except for removing information which might reveal identity or contact information: In need of a time travel companion (please take this seriously) I have a functioning time machine I know it sounds unbelievable, but “I assure […]

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Rejected Novel Titles: Revealed!

June 23, 2014


Title: Eat, Pray, Love ; Rejected Title: Read, Binge, Sulk Title: 100 Years Of Solitude; Rejected Title: 100 Years of People With The Same Name So You Can’t Keep Track Of Squat  Title: The Great Gatsby; Rejected Title: How Gatsby Got His Groove Back (and then got shot in a swimming pool) Title: Things Fall […]

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If Kids’ Stories Were Internet Headlines…

May 19, 2014


#8 - people don't usually cackle and rub their hands together as you eat if the apple ISN'T poisoned.

The itsy-bitsy spider went up a water-spout – and then things got crazy. This little girl found 3 bowls of porridge. What she did next made me cry. This dog, Carl, is freaking AWESOME. This guy grew a beanstalk up to the clouds using this one crazy trick! 18 things wicked women do that drive […]

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Please Hire Me To Be Your Late Night Talk Show Host

April 14, 2014


Poor Paul Rudd.  Poor, poor, poor Paul Rudd...

Whoooaa, now!  Letterman announces his retirement, opening the doors to months of giving our lives meaning by arguing endlessly over who should take over and you just, just, just… name someone?  That’s just mean!  And are you sure you’ve given this enough thought?  And, NBC, on a scale of 1-to-10, how committed are you to […]

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How Are Americans Spending Their Spring Break?

March 24, 2014


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The Thin Triplicate Line Between Society & Chaos

March 3, 2014


Say hello to my little 3-year lease!

“…There shall be no use of illegal drugs on the premises by the lessee, or associates of the lessee, subject to immediate nullification of the rental contract…” – clause in standard rental agreements * Scenario 1: Landlord: And in here you’ll see the main room.  Fireplace works, we just ask that you get the chimney […]

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Amaze Your Friends With These Little-Known Presidential Facts!

February 17, 2014


Oh, hey, my mistake - there's a statue of you!  No, wait, that's me.  Ha ha ha.  Loser.

Three minutes in to the Gettysburg Address, growing increasingly irritated with murmuring in the crowd, Lincoln paused from his speech and said, “It means ’87 years ago,’ idiots.” There was no President Hayes.  As a cost-cutting measure, the president was replaced with a magic 8-ball.  Thus the phrase, “outlook is Hayes-y” was born. Nixon refused […]

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What Not To Say On Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2014


Well, she would...

  * “I was going to get you roses but they’re expensive, so I cut this picture of Axl Rose out of Rolling Stone instead.” * “Just love me and I’ll give your dog back.” * “Thank you for this book of coupons for free, sensual massages!  Do… Do I have to redeem them with […]

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The Long, Dark Tonight Show Of The Soul

February 11, 2014


Leno, circa 1996.  Or possibly 2002.  Or 2010.

During his time as host of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno made 4,607 jokes about Bill Clinton, 795 jokes about OJ Simpson, 505 jokes about Michael Jackson, and 454 jokes about Monica Lewinsky. – Finding by the Center for Media And Public Affairs Hour 1 – Alright!  Got a job!  Cataloging Leno’s jokes won’t change […]

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Biggest Surprises of Superbowl XLVIII

February 3, 2014


At this point it should be obvious this post is humorous, as there's not a force on earth that can make the peppers keep their shirts on.

Superbowls never go quite the way people think they’re going to.  And this year?  No exception. What were some of the more surprising moments? 1. Completely shattering all expectations, and defying the most refined Vegas odds, The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform their halftime set with their shirts on. 2. After calling the coin toss […]

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