A while back I wrote about one of the first paid stand-up comedy gigs I ever had, in the lovely Winnemucca, Nevada.  (Here, if you want a little context for today’s story)  At the end of it, I mentioned a guy from the casino taking us out to show us Winnemucca’s “nightlife.”  I said it […]

The Byronic Man is a certified astrologer.  He has a Masters degree in Zodiacry from the University of Nehru, and a PhD in Astronomy and Astro-Physics from The Louvre. Capricorn: Today you will meet a Pisces and fall wildly in love and live passionately, and ecstatically.  Unless you miss your opportunity. Talk to every person […]

*Today begins a week-long Choose Your Own Adventure story*  Be sure to vote at the end! Max and the Argentinian Death Penguin, Part 1: The Past Comes Knocking Deep in a part of the city where it was always night and the primary pass-time was trying to get out of that part of the city, […]

I love sharks. Love them. I do not love Shark Week.  In honor of the Discovery Channel re-airing its Shark Week, I re-offer my examination of TV’s most prestigious week.  Oh, you have not read it before. So, why do I think Shark Week on The Discovery Channel is just so, so ridiculous? Well, because… […]

“…There shall be no use of illegal drugs on the premises by the lessee, or associates of the lessee, subject to immediate nullification of the rental contract…” – clause in standard rental agreements * Scenario 1: Landlord: And in here you’ll see the main room.  Fireplace works, we just ask that you get the chimney […]

I will never try to make you understand how I feel through interpretive dance. I will never utter the phrase, “this has too much cheese on it.” If we’re in traffic together, and the 2-lane is ending, and the rest of us are merging every other car, like civilized adults, and you gun it to […]

The trick:  Sawing the lady in half.  A woman is placed in a narrow box.  The box is then sliced in half.  The two sections are separated and the woman is still able to move her toes.  The halves are then put back together and the woman emerges unharmed. How it’s done: It’s a little […]

“This Is Just To Say” By William Carlos Williams I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox   and which you were probably saving for breakfast   Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold   This is Just To Say… Under no circumstances eat The plums That are in The […]

Happitame!  For temporary relief of minor symptoms associate with colds and allergies.  No more sneezing; watery, itchy eyes; or runny nose.  Enjoy life again: with Happitame! Dosage:  Adults: Take 1 pill twice a day for relief from allergy symptoms.  Do not exceed 2 pills in a single day.  Also, do not take fewer than 2 […]

Strange-but-true fact:  Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner is an avid scrap-booker. *** Hello everyone!  Thanks for coming.  Don’t forget to grab one of those lemon bars that Margie brought before they’re all scooped up… by me!  Ha ha!  I’m just kidding.  But they are terrific, even if my thighs don’t think so. I’m happy to […]

I would like to take this moment to offer a sincere, public and redemptive apology for my recent comments.  I in no way meant them.  And while I stand by my assertion that some of them were taken out of context, and others I was tricked in to saying, I regret any hurt they may […]