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Operation: Dessert Storm

December 1, 2014



It will be a great day when schools have all the funding they need, and the military has to hold a bake sale to buy a new bomber. – bumper sticker. Excuse me, sir?  Sir?  Would you be interested in some shortbread?  Lemon bar?  The lemon bars are fresh, sir; why, private Williams here got them […]

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The Byronic Man: Now At One With The Universe!

November 10, 2014


Hey! Hi! It’s me! I’m here! Now, you might be trying to remember who I am, or you might be saying, “Dude, it’s been, like, 2 months since you’ve posted.” And, first off, you’re calling me ‘dude’? But secondly, that may be the case – I would not know, since I have become spiritually enlightened […]

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Fight Club: The Complete Rules

August 18, 2014


Oh, that's right, we're also expanding in to Fight-PIlates on Wednesdays and Friday mornings.

You do not talk about Fight Club YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. If someone says stop, goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Only 2 guys to a fight. One fight at a time. No shirt, no shoes. Fights will go on as long as they have to. If this is […]

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Time-Travel and Fish Vengeance: They Just Don’t Mix

July 28, 2014


Oh, Time Cop, right, the one with the splits and the cupboard... that one.

This is a recent, and real, posting on Craigslist, here where I live.  I’ve kept it exactly as is, except for removing information which might reveal identity or contact information: In need of a time travel companion (please take this seriously) I have a functioning time machine I know it sounds unbelievable, but “I assure […]

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Make It A 4th Of July No One Will Ever, Ever, Ever Forget!

July 1, 2014


Well, the fourth of July is coming up, and you know what that means: that on Friday people all over these United States will only have five more days until my birthday! But it’s also Independence Day.  And whether you’re planning a get-together or just wanting to enjoy the fireworks with friends and family, there are […]

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Rejected Novel Titles: Revealed!

June 23, 2014


Title: Eat, Pray, Love ; Rejected Title: Read, Binge, Sulk Title: 100 Years Of Solitude; Rejected Title: 100 Years of People With The Same Name So You Can’t Keep Track Of Squat  Title: The Great Gatsby; Rejected Title: How Gatsby Got His Groove Back (and then got shot in a swimming pool) Title: Things Fall […]

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5 Steps To Being Liked By All Those Stupid, Crappy Jerks Who Think They’re Better Than You

June 9, 2014



It can seem so hard, sometimes, to get people to like you.  But with a few simple tricks, you can get anyone to like you, because people are such easily manipulated idiots! (Note: don’t tell them they’re idiots who are easily-manipulated.  Maybe that should be #6…) 1. People like to hear their name said to […]

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If Kids’ Stories Were Internet Headlines…

May 19, 2014


#8 - people don't usually cackle and rub their hands together as you eat if the apple ISN'T poisoned.

The itsy-bitsy spider went up a water-spout – and then things got crazy. This little girl found 3 bowls of porridge. What she did next made me cry. This dog, Carl, is freaking AWESOME. This guy grew a beanstalk up to the clouds using this one crazy trick! 18 things wicked women do that drive […]

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13.1 Things To Know For Your First Half-Marathon

May 6, 2014


See?  Look how happy I look.  I don't?  Oh.  Well, I am.

So, as some of you may know, I love running. I just genuinely love it. I’m no expert at it, or champion, or anything but I really like it. And now my good friend Jules over at Go Jules Go is a couple weeks away form embarking on her first half-marathon. And though I’m no […]

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How – Really – To Fold A Fitted Sheet

May 1, 2014


Elegance At Home, With Your Host: The Byronic Man!

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Oh Boy! My Mortgage Holder Is Merging With Another Bank! Eeeeeeeee!

April 28, 2014


Pictured here: recent merger of United Federal Trust - oh, no, wait; that's Mardi Gras!  Common  mix-up.

Dear Valued Mortgage Holder: We are very pleased to inform you that we are currently in the process of merging with another bank. This will offer many exciting, new possibilities for the future. First off, thanks for saying I’m valued. I don’t want to make this weird, but I’ve been feeling pretty unappreciated lately, and […]

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