Three minutes in to the Gettysburg Address, growing increasingly irritated with murmuring in the crowd, Lincoln paused from his speech and said, “It means ’87 years ago,’ idiots.”
There was no President Hayes. As a cost-cutting measure, the president was replaced with a magic 8-ball. Thus the phrase, “outlook is Hayes-y” was born.
Nixon refused to meet with China’s leaders initially, for the meetings that would go on change the global landscape, but finally agreed after someone reminded him of the old phrase, “Only Nixon Can Go To China.”
President Taylor and Tyler were the same person. There was an unfortunate typo.
Contrary to popular belief, William Henry Harrison didn’t die because he contracted pneumonia after refusing to wear a coat to his inauguration. The fashion-conscious Harrison’s coat had 3 buttons in a time when 2 was fashionable and he “died of embarrassment. Just died.” Then he died.
The Teddy Bear was named after Teddy Roosevelt when it was discovered that Roosevelt was, in fact, a Kodiak bear.
While widely interpreted as a rallying cry to get out of the depression, FDR’s “the only thing we have to fear” speech was actually his admission that he suffered from crippling phobophobia.
Phobophobia is the fear of fear.
During the 1960 presidential campaign, John Kennedy slept with every single woman in America over the age of 15.
While the story of George Washington cutting down the cherry tree is, of course, apocryphal, it’s not entirely fictitious. He did cut down a cherry tree as a boy, but it was a neighbor’s tree. And upon being confronted about whether it was he who had done it, replied, “I’m George fucking Washington! Who are you? Nobody. Some anonymous douchebag with an ex-cherry tree. I’ll lead the most improbable revolution in human history and be on the one God damn dollar bill, while you’ll be forgotten 15 minutes after you’re dead, except for having a tree I graced with my attention. In fact, you know what? Fuck it, I’m saying it was my tree. Enjoy oblivion.”