I did a commercial last week for an insurance company, in which I walk you through the process of signing up for insurance and explain the new health care laws. The gist of it is that signing up for health care is easy and the insurance companies are here for you.
You know, lying.
The great irony is that I begin by saying “It’s really quite simple…” then talk for 5 full pages.
If you see it, I hope you especially like the shirt I’m wearing, because there was a nearly 2-hour discussion over whether I should wearing it, or a blue one. Rest assured, everyone’s voice was heard on the issue, and that all agreed the shirt conveyed a sense of professionalism but not salesmanship, and friendliness but not too-casualness.
Most of it was pretty straight-forward, but certain sections really strained my abilities. For example, for some reason I had trouble sounding upbeat and friendly while saying that, while no one expects it, things like getting diagnosed with cancer can, and do, happen. I don’t know why it gave me trouble. Maybe I should have winked while I said it.
There was one section, added specifically for people watching the video in Oregon, in which I explain the that Cover Oregon system is not yet “Fully functional” and I think they should have used the take where I added, “You know, kind of like how a plane that slams into a mountain an explodes has been ‘delayed.’” I know the health care roll-out got pretty botched nation-wide, but Oregon’s deserves a special prize. To sign up, you have to go to the website, print the 19-page application, fill it out by hand, then fax it to the Cover Oregon offices who have – this is true – one fax machine. Then, if and when they got to it, they would mail the results to you.
Finally, there was the last line, which I had to repeat 19 times. The line ends with urging people, if they’re having trouble, to give the company a call because “we’re here for you” and then I smile. Only my smile looked fake and I sometimes sounded insincere. Possibly because I was thinking, every single time, “They are totally not here for you. They are here for your money.”
The biggest irony of it? I immediately used that money for some medical bills that my insurance won’t cover.