All I Ask Is For All I Ask

September 26, 2013

Humor

All I ask are moments of peace where I can stop and be in the moment.

All I ask is to be grateful for the things I have.

All I ask is for motivational images that don't actually connect to the motivation.

All I ask is for motivational images that don’t actually connect to the motivation.

All I ask is to be trusted and worthy of trust.

All I ask is to have the courage to try new things, and to be immediately better at them than everyone else.

All I ask is to be liked by people I can’t stand.

All I ask is the ability to orgasm at will.

All I ask is that my friends be less successful than me.

All I ask is to remain at my physical peak with little effort on my part.

All I ask is that “little effort” mean “no effort.”

All I ask is that the things I purchase never break or get worn out.

All I ask is that for one month a year (October?  May?) the schools be devoted to teaching good things about me.

All I ask is that, when I have a conflict with someone, they acknowledge that it’s them, not me.

No offense.

No offense.

All I ask is for a state to be named after me.

All I ask is that it not be North Dakota or Florida.

All I ask is that the world’s population be reduced by 4 billion without anyone suffering.

All I ask is for a God who has the exact same opinions I do.

All I ask is to be able to make things explode with my mind.

And, really… is that so much?

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Blog in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

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45 Comments on “All I Ask Is For All I Ask”

  1. Life With The Top Down Says:

    Sounds legit to me. I don’t want to make things explode with my mind, however I would enjoy punching people in the face with my mind, which would leave them dazed & confused. I will admit, I have tried…no luck yet.

    Reply

  2. thatfunnyblogguy Says:

    …and a bag of chips with a small soft drink.

    Reply

  3. Michael Says:

    Hopefully the making things explode with one’s mind doesn’t happen at the same time as the, er, orgasming at will. Because that could get messy fast.

    Reply

  4. speaker7 Says:

    All I ask is that someone reads this comment to this post and gives me a six-figure book deal.

    Reply

  5. BrainRants Says:

    Not a lot at all. And orgasming at will is quite useful, but of limited application.

    Reply

  6. thefoodandwinehedonist Says:

    You forgot x-Ray vision. But otherwise a brilliant fresh pressed worthy post! And an invisibility cloak. Or is that assumed that everyone wishes for one if those?

    Reply

    • UndercoverL Says:

      Hedonist, a trip to anywhere public and seeing some such people would make you rethink x-ray vision. As my son put it when he was three: some people just look better with clothes on.

      Reply

      • thefoodandwinehedonist Says:

        I used to have the debate with coworkers and they’d always point to certain bosses as reasons why not to have it. I always said that id look out of pure curiosity and got them to admit it as well. But X-ray vision would serve me well beyond clothes. Which is what I was talking about. You perv.

        Reply

  7. mistyslaws Says:

    Seems reasonable. But you forgot far reacing fame and immeasurable fortune. Or is that just me?

    Reply

  8. Hippie Cahier Says:

    A chicken in every pot would be nice*.

    *Except in vegetarian households.

    Reply

  9. Snoring Dog Studio Says:

    No pony? You don’t want a pony?

    Reply

  10. JM Randolph Says:

    And for Uncle Eddies Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies to have no effect on my blood sugar, weight, or metabolism. And for elevator music to always be heavy metal.

    Reply

  11. donofalltrades Says:

    Would the explosions happen automatically or would there be a period of pause where you can ponder an instinctive thought that you want something to blow up? What if you’re in your car and it breaks down and some part of your subconscious is all “dammit, I just want to blow this car to bits!” then boom!!! That’s no good. There needs to be a red button or something that you mentally affirmatively touch I think.

    Reply

  12. The Bumble Files Says:

    Ha ha! But what about flying? You would then be a superhero. Excellent list!

    Reply

  13. Teepee12 Says:

    Reblogged on Serendipity. I love this. I mean, gee, yeah. Right. Uh huh. Me too.

    http://teepee12.com/2013/09/26/all-i-ask-is-for-all-i-ask/

    Reply

  14. UndercoverL Says:

    Wait a minute! Are you pretending to be a woman?

    Reply

  15. trailblazer1 Says:

    “All I ask is for a God who has the exact same opinions I do.” I think God has more on His mind than I do. Thankfully.

    Reply

  16. Don't Quote Lily Says:

    I love how you got off to a very humble/self-less start, and then proceeded to list things that I am totally on board with.

    Reply

  17. pjsarecomfyn Says:

    You forgot something about boatloads of money….you better add that in there. Physical boatloads of it.

    Reply

  18. jadorelamusique Says:

    I enjoy your posts. They always make me laugh, and sometimes I think we may be long-lost siblings or something lol

    Reply

  19. stormy1812 Says:

    it’s even possible this isn’t demanding enough haha. i think there needs to be something in there about teleportation – means not having to have taxi money, pay for plane tickets, etc. time difference? wouldn’t mean a thing if you could just say “beam me up scotty” (or some variation of that phrase) and be done with it. :)

    Reply

  20. talesfromthemotherland Says:

    You so funny… had me going for a minute. South Byronica might work.

    Reply

  21. Sandy Sue Says:

    Methinks Sexy Stalin is in the house.

    Reply

  22. silkpurseproductions Says:

    Personally, I don’t think that is too much to ask.

    Reply

  23. k8edid Says:

    Byronahoma? byronington? Byroniana? Byronsylvania? Byronisas? New Byronica? Byronalina? South Byronshire? Byronida? Byronaho? North Byronicadia? Take your pick.

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. All I Ask Is For All I Ask | SERENDIPITY - September 26, 2013

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  2. All I Ask Is For All I Ask | Crashing through the pelvic floor - September 30, 2013

    […] All I Ask Is For All I Ask. […]

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