Look, I like to think I can make with the occasional bit of funny here. But I know who’s in charge. And that Monarch is, of course, The Onion.
Sorry, Brits – The Daily Mash is pretty great, but The Onion is, frankly, staggering. And today they are 25 years old. So, to celebrate in the best way I know how (by lazily reprinting their hard work), here are 25 of their best headlines, though there are countless more that could make the list:
Exercise Ball All The Way Over There
Indonesian Mother Sews Halloween Costumes For 60,000 Children
On Barack Obama’s presidential campaign: Black Guy Asks Nation For Change.
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
Jews to Celebrate Rosh Hashasha or Something
On George W Bush’s daughter turning 18: Jenna Bush’s Federally Protected Wetlands Now Open for Public Drilling
Study: 72 Percent Of High-Fives Unwarranted
Fun Toy Banned Because of 3 Stupid Dead Kids
Cool Dad Is Horrible Father
Philip Morris: ‘Please Talk To Your Cooler Children About Cigarettes’
Drugs Win Drug War
Denver Optometrist Not Sure Why He Has A Gay Cult Following
Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequences
Op Ed: “I’m Like A Chocoholic, But For Booze”
Christian Rock Band Cleans Up Hotel Room
Sean Penn Demands To Know What Asshole Took SeanPenn@ gmail.com
Alan Rickman Ends Pizza Delivery Order With Ominous ‘So Be It’
Special Olympics Investigated For Use Of Performance-Enhancing Hugs
37 Record Store Clerks Feared Dead in Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster
“Having-one-beer” Plan Goes Awry
U.S. Launches AIDS-Awareness Campaign In Botswana: ‘You All Have AIDS,’ Says U.S
Which Are your favorites?