So as many of you may know, I part-time, sometimes, in my extra time, do some modeling. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Wow, Byronic Man is so cool and glamorous! He’s like James Bond and Jimmy Page and Indiana Jones and George Clooney and, I don’t know, hell with it, Charlemagne rolled in to one!”
You’re not thinking that? Oh. Would you like to?
For just a moment?
And you would be right to dash my illusions. Last Spring I did a shoot for athletic gear, which I talked about in the post Skiing With The Attractivesons, and said I would include some of the photos when the catalogue came out. This has turned out to be a lot more difficult than it should have been.
Now, it’s pretty standard practice to tell the actors or models that they’ll send you copies of the photos with you in them, and then roll their eyes when you’re not looking. It’s also pretty standard to not send you copies of whatever the finished product is.
But this was something new.
I kept my eye out for the catalogue, and kept not seeing it. And not seeing it. And not seeing it. Finally, it was December and I thought that if the catalogue wasn’t out yet, they’re marketing department needed a little shake-up. A little pot stir. I called the company’s information line and asked for a copy of their Winter catalogue.
The woman on the line replied, “We don’t have a catalogue.”
“Uh. Wh–. Um… Yeah-huh.”
“No, we only have the online materials.”
“But… I’m… in it. I mean… somebody was taking my picture…”
This was seeming like I’d been the victim of an epically weird prank. Or the most thoroughly thought-out stalking. Ever.
So nothing came of it. I hung up. I tried the company directly and couldn’t reach the guy in charge. Finally, a couple weeks ago, I was having dinner with friends, and someone there worked for the company. I asked him about it. He actually had a couple copies of the catalogue. I told him about my experience.
“Yeah,” he said. “They don’t want people to know about the catalogue.”
I said that seemed like a questionable business strategy. He said that the catalogues were so expensive to produce that they were trying to re-direct people to the online sales instead. To recap:
- They shot the materials for the catalogue.
- Assembled the catalogue.
- Printed the catalogue.
- But didn’t tell anyone about the catalogue.
Boy, I just don’t understand how business works; because that seems, well, silly to me.
Flipping through the catalogue, there were a couple good shots. Several key elements they left out – the plan had been to make the theme “High Performance” but they didn’t include any of the shots of me careening through the ski park’s parking lot in this very cool, very fast, car; my pretend family grimacing and clutching the seats in terror. Lame.
So, not only is it not people running up to you on the street to tell you how wonderful you are, and being flown to exotic locales, it’s spending a month on the equivalent of a geocache hunt to find a catalogue that the company is trying to keep anyone from seeing.
Of course, it could be worse.
P.S. – Don’t forget to submit your entry for the caption contest!