The Byronic Girl is two weeks old now. I, however, am at least 8 years older than when she was born. Like so many major events in life, having a baby is everything they say it is, and nothing they say it is. Some reflections, thus far…
I’ve always been early to things, to the point of irritation (“Didn’t you say your party started at 8:00? Well, it’s 7:45 and I’m here! Why are you still in your bathrobe?”). My wife tends to be juuuuuust a little late for everything. The baby was due October 9, and my wife went in to labor at 3:30am on October 10. Juuuuuust a little late. This does not bode well for my future punctuality.
My wife spent a week in prodromal labor, and then when labor actually kicked in, it was with a vengeance. After a normally-paced beginning, she went from 2cm to 10 in less than three hours. By the time I had a moment to call everyone, instead of the magical, misty “It’s time” call I’d imagined, it was more along the lines of “It’s happening get in the car and don’t stop for yellow lights I got to go!”
She made it through labor without medication… only to discover the baby turned over sometime in the last couple weeks, which meant they needed to do a c-section. Why are these fashionable as elective procedures? Do people not realize what it is? Do they think zippers are involved? Pop-up hatches?
Possibly the most frightened I’ve ever been: They get the baby and I see in the reflection of some glass the nurse take her over a corner and motion to the doctor to come over, that there’s something she needs to look at. Turned out she got her leg straightened out in the womb and hyper-extended it. Should be fine.
She has my ears. I don’t know why I find that so endearing, but I do.
Studies have shown that exercise during pregnancy leads to babies born with more lean muscle-mass. My wife worked out through week 39. This baby is strong as a bear. 30 minutes after she was born they wanted an x-ray of that leg and I could barely hold her. She actually pulled her leg out of my grip. She’s like some super-baby.
The engineering dynamics of a good swaddle seem to be more complex than an earthquake-resistant bridge.
The number of times you have to ask “Uh, is it going to stay like that?” is only narrowly exceeded by “Is that supposed to happen?” Really? No one felt compelled to mention that newborns slough their skin?
I’m tempted to sue the hospital for sending a newborn baby home with people who clearly have no idea what they’re doing.
Almost no matter what you look up on a website about “Is this a problem?” it will say: “______ is a completely normal thing for newborns to do and is no cause for concern… except for sometimes when it’s a horrible problem that requires surgery.”
She’s clearly advanced. She’s only 2 weeks old, but she’s already screaming at a 3-month-old level.