I was flipping through a magazine earlier and it had this article with several New York movers & shakers who have discovered wearing jeans. Even to work. I know! Jeans! Just…. wearing them!
I realize this is a little more unusual in the Northeast. I wore jeans once in Massachusetts and people looked at me like I was wearing chaps and twirling a lasso (I wasn’t, just to be clear). But we’re quite a bit more casual out west. We wear jeans to work, dinner, hoe-downs, cattle-rasslin’, anything.
NO, we don’t really go to hoe-downs and rassle cattle! That was a trick. Everyone knows you rassle b’ars and wrangle cattle. Der.
Anyway, the people in the article talked about jeans like it was this new thing they’d discovered while in Milan. A whole new clothing paradigm. And, as such, had to go to bizarre, hyperbolic lengths.
One of the people talking about jeans in the article said, “The problem is that if you wash jeans, you completely change them. That’s why I freeze them once a month to kill the bacteria, rather than wash them.”
I’m sorry… you freeze them? This is what’s known, in laymen’s terms, as “stupid.” You see, people who go outside and occasionally interact with things will, eventually, get dirty. I know, that can be a frightening concept, but – I’m sorry – it’s simply going to happen.
Also, if your jeans “completely change” after one washing, one of three things is happening:
- You’re buying awful, awful jeans.
- You’re getting denim confused with spiders’ webs.
- You’re waaaaay too attentive to your pants.
But, of course I doubt he’s buying awful jeans. The pairs in the article that were “recommended” ran from $300 to $1,200. $1,200. For jeans. Now, I’m not against nice jeans, not at all. I myself own a couple pairs of higher-end jeans. One of my best friends is even in to the whole Japanese denim thing, and I mock him for it because we’re friends, but okay, fine. But $1,200? Custom-tailored jeans? Doesn’t that kind of go against the ruggedness a teensy bit?
Oh, and don’t think that “once a month” part eluded anyone, buster. Gyuck.
There was a “what jeans are right for you” section too. It asked, “Should I consider getting a pair of skinny jeans?” I’ll handle this one, magazine article. You take five. Should you, adult male reader of the article, consider getting skinny jeans?
In any case, I’m glad that the cutting edge of the avant garde of the prêt a porter set have discovered jeans, even if they’re kind of missing the forest for the trees. Wait until I show you this new shirt I’ve invented. It has no buttons, and is shaped kind of like a T and just slides over your head! I call it a “Slidey-no-button.”
Wait ‘til Milan hears about it.