Happitame! For temporary relief of minor symptoms associate with colds and allergies. No more sneezing; watery, itchy eyes; or runny nose. Enjoy life again: with Happitame!
Dosage: Adults: Take 1 pill twice a day for relief from allergy symptoms. Do not exceed 2 pills in a single day. Also, do not take fewer than 2 pills a day. If you should be unable to take a second pill 12 hours after the first (exactly 12 hours), induce vomiting and consult a physician immediately, after which you should induce vomiting again. Children under 12 should not take Happitame. Children whose frontal lobes are still developing should also avoid Happitame; therefore, ascertain your child’s abilities to comprehend long-term consequences before giving him or her Happitame.
Storage: Happitame should be kept in a cool, dry, dark place. Happitame should be kept out of reach of children, the elderly, and the insane. Happitame should not be stored within 3 feet of fresh produce.
Warnings: Women who are pregnant or nursing should not take Happitame . Women who have been pregnant in the past or hope to be pregnant at some time in the future should also not take Happitame.
People of Greek descent should avoid taking Happitame. The boys in the lab are still working on what’s going on there, exactly.
People prone to psychotic breaks should not mix Happitame with alcohol.
Side Effects May Include:
Do not operate heavy machinery while taking Happitame. Also do not operate light machinery. You know what? Best just leave machinery of any kind alone.
Swollen hands and feet may occur.
For some reason people taking Happitame lose the ability to say the word “spatula.” Go figure.
In rare instances, people taking Happitame have experienced “exploding eyeball syndrome.” Should one or more of your eyeballs explode, stop taking Happitame immediately.
Light drooling may occur as a by-product of the substantial amounts of saliva produced by the body while taking Happitame. If possible, avoid swallowing this saliva.
Very sudden, extreme drowsiness may occur. Death-like stillness has been known to last up to 4 hours. Should death-aping symptoms persist for more than 5 hours, consult a physician.
Thanks to Happitame’s patented “no-sneez” formula, while taking Happitame it is physically impossible to sneeze, even in pretend. Because of this, while taking Happitame it is recommended that you avoid areas where air-borne pathogens are more likely, such as hospitals, schools, grocery stores, churches, movie theaters, airplanes (seriously – don’t get on a plane while taking Happitame), or any place where more than 7 people gather for an extended period.
People with blood type AB+ may experience vertigo while taking Happitame, and for up to 6 months afterward.
In a small percentage of cases (less than 1%), people have experienced a light tickling sensation in the back of the throat. This symptom, in and of itself, is nothing to be alarmed about. If, however, you should experience the light tickling sensation, doctors recommend immediately committing suicide to avoid what comes next.
Occasionally, people taking Happitame experience flu-like symptoms.
Don’t let allergies control your life! Isn’t it time for Happitame?