Senator Santorum swore! He swore like a truck-drivin’ sailor who just hit his thumb with a hammer soaked in gasoline and thumbtacks! There was more bleeping going on than a dump truck backing up over a crate of smoke alarms! Teamsters were blushing. Soldiers gasped and fainted. Man oh, MAN did he curse up a storm!
Well, maybe not that much; he did say one swear word, though. And since this is Rick Santorum – the “Creepy, Home-Schooled Kid Down The Street Who’s Allergic To Everything and Likes To Kill Bugs” of the Republican Party – swearing publicly at all is cause for just a little celebration.
What happened was a New York Times reporter was asking him about calling Mitt Romney “the worst republican in the country” (which he did, but that’s taking it really out of context). He wouldn’t stop asking, so Santorum snapped, “Stop lying… if I see it [printed?] it’s bullshit.”
And so senator Santorum ran, ran, ran to Fox News, where they had cocoa waiting for him, with the little marshmallows, just like he likes, and they patted his head and assured him that the mean ol’ reporter wouldn’t bother him anymore. And Santorum was happy, because he knew that there was absolutely no chance of being asked a difficult, complex question there.
He then said, “If you haven’t cursed out a New York Times reporter during the course of a campaign, you’re not really a real Republican, is the way I look at it.”
Really? Wow, do I feel silly! I always thought a “real Republican” was someone who believed in the nation as a collection of autonomous states, unified under a single Constitution, thereby necessitating minimal regulation and intrusion in to the freedoms and policies of the states and individual citizenry.
I feel so dumb. It’s probably something I picked up on the schoolyard once.
It’s a good thing that’s not the definition of a Republican, because that’s about as far from what Santorum is as can be. I mean, he wants to federally control EVERYTHING, including sex itself. You may have seen his quote about the “dangers of contraception in this country” and that the reason it’s so dangerous is that it’s “a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” (You really said that, Senator. Please don’t curse at me! I can’t take all your relentless profanity!)
It’s also funny that he’s so concerned about accuracy suddenly. He recently got a crowd fired up saying, “President Obama once said that he wants everyone in America to go to college. What a snob.” Which, of course, is its own issue, given the emerging needs of the global economy; but more pressing – it isn’t what the president said. He said “every American should have the opportunity to go to college.” Oh, well, that’s a pretty different statement, isn’t it? Which means either:
- Santorum knew he was misquoting and didn’t care, in which case you’re lying.
- Santorum didn’t know the real quote and was given the misquote by an aide who’s lying.
- No one on Santorum’s entire staff knew that wasn’t the real quote in which case they’re not liars, they’re just all incompetent.
Regardless, Santorum’s supporters should feel really excited about a candidate who gets that rattled by a reporter asking a question over and over. The rest of us, though, just get to enjoy the mask slipping a little – like seeing your strict 5th grade teacher freaking out and cursing, or discovering a neighbor who always sniffs disapprovingly at your lawn passed out on his front porch. Just a moment of smug gratification.
And that’s no bullshit.