As readers may recall, a couple weeks ago my wife and I became America’s greatest heroes. The fact that Christopher Nolan and Bryan Singer aren’t fist-fighting over the movie rights to our story can only be explained by the notion that they’re playing coy (Well, it won’t work, Nolan!). So, there have been a few developments I thought you all might be interested in.
1.The burglar had an accomplice, who happened to not be there at the moment. She’d taken some things back to their van. Timing is the only reason we encountered one burglar instead of two.
2. Timing is also the reason we didn’t encounter the second burglar with one of the items they took: a pistol. So… in other words… they were armed at one point. Ahhhh. Mm-mm, good. That’s the tidbit that had me taking a couple deep breaths and putting my head between my knees.
3. The burglar took several thousand dollars in coins, checks and cash. It wasn’t found in their crime-van, crime-apartment, or in his crime-pockets. He plea-bargained for a reduced sentence in exchange for telling them where the money was, which is good. But it was… wait for it… still in the house. He’d hidden it under a stack of towels when he saw us coming. No fair! Shouldn’t the DA be able to say, “No, no, no! Plea-bargain revoked, that’s cheating! They would have found it anyway!”? But I guess at least she has it back.
4. My wife was flipping through one of those “How To Survive Dangerous Situations” books that are so popular right now, and came across “How to survive an encounter with a burglar.” First thing it said was, “Absolutely under no circumstances confront or try to apprehend the burglar.” Nice. And I suppose that’s true for most people. The civilians. Those exist in the light. But we’re out there, on the edge, facing the darkness. Because my wife and I, we’re the heroes this city deserves, but not the heroes it needs right now. We’re silent guardians. Watchful protectors. We are Stoic Man & Impulse Girl.