As anyone who composes a blog discovers, one of the little joys is seeing the Google searches that lead people to your site. Sometimes it’s just kind of nice (“Wow, they looked specifically for me!”), sometimes it’s illuminating (“Wow, a lot of people want pictures of balloons”), sometimes it makes you shake your head (“Wow, a lot of people are perverts”). Other times, they’re just kind of awesome. So, in the grand tradition of sharing Google searches, here are a few of the favorite searches people have made, which led them to me. For better or worse.
“Cat in lingerie” Listen, um, to each his own, right? I’m not judging. I’m not. But, um, yeah. I don’t see good things on your social horizon.
“Ask dump question” …get trashy answer.
“What can’t you do when you have smallpox” Well, first off, Center for Disease Control on line 1. But what can’t you do when you have smallpox? Play croquet. Socialize. Pursue a career in marine biology. Live. Play piano. The list really kind of goes on and on.
“Fucked up horrible shit” Multiple searches on this one. Not sure what they were shooting for, but I can’t help but be a little hurt that Google led them to my site. I have feelings, Google. I have feelings.
“Batgirl cameltoe” Have you met Lingerie Cat Guy? Something tells me you’d hit it off.
“well… that was a question that … uh … well, i um, guess i’ll… i’ll … can you maybe … uh … ask that again? this is a recreation of me trying to answer a really weird question asked to me by a nice (but possibly from mars) student in one of my ‘introduction to linguistics’ courses. it’s not that my speech production system failed to execute my speech plan; it’s that i never really had much of a plan when i started speaking. see the difference? filled pauses like ‘um’ and ‘uh’ and restarts are not errors in speech. the simplest explanation of these phenomena is that they are what you do when you need more time to figure out what you are going to say, or when you change your mind in the middle of an utterance” This is your Google search? You couldn’t tighten this up a skosh? Regardless, I suppose, this is impressively specific.
“What does it mean to dream of someone standing over you with a bloody knife” It may mean you’re not a big hit at children’s parties. Multiple searches on this one, too.
“Contact mike score a flock of seagulls” Okay, if you’re under a certain age this probably looks like an assortment of random words, but Mike Score was the singer/songwriter for the oft-maligned 80’s group A Flock of Seagulls. I just included this one because I think it’s nice that someone is trying to contact him. Go get ‘em, Mike!
“Siamese cat spaceship” Being aliens would explain a lot about their demeanor.
“Why do nomads have good teeth” I know, right?! It’s like every nomad you see has these crazy beautiful, straight teeth! There’s a nomad now and, yup, look at those gleaming chompers! And, hey, what’s the deal with gypsies’ cuticles?
“Life is a spice of variety” So true. For, though windows are like souls with eyes, and you shouldn’t ride a horse who looks at gifts, it’s important to remember that when you drink lemonade, lemons are your life.
“Why corduroy?” This is my favorite search. I love it. I just love it.
- “Cemetary” by John Seb, Flickr
- “Siamese Cat – dscf0458″ by Sean Drellinger, Flickr
- “Corduroy” by John Puetz, Flickr