I recently wrote a guest post over at the always compelling, entertaining and engaging Worst Professor Ever, and the post got tweeted by The Times (you see, in England, they still have a few remaining “news papers” – which are like news web sites that have been printed off for you; I know, clever, right?), which is all cool and neat and such, and obviously means I’m very, very important. But, I have to be honest; it leaves me with several points I’m hoping can get cleared up…
Does this mean I’m a knight now? Or a lord?
If so, have you considered the possible confusion between me and Lord Byron the poet, if we’re both lords? Could you maybe, in the future, refer to the poet as “the club-footed, dead, Lord Byron”? Just a suggestion.
Do you guys all have English accents? Omigod, that’s, like, so cool.
Are you going to start hacking my phone? I see that Paul McCartney is now claiming that The Daily Mirror has been hacking his phone (Seriously, Daily Mirror? What could you possibly hope to hear? “Hello, did you know I used to be in The Beatles? That was fun. Also, I am still vegetarian, but sometimes bacon smells really good. What’s that double-clicking sound?”), so it seems like that might be standard protocol over there at this point. Write a story, hack the phone.
My wife would like to know if you can introduce her to Hugh Grant. Thanks.
Um, no offense intended, but don’t you think the name of your paper can lead to frustration? I say “The Times” I get blank stares. “What’s that?” “A Newspaper.” “Oh! The New York Times?” “No, just The Times.” “Why aren’t you telling me the whole name? Are you embarrassed? Is it in, like, Des Moines?” “No, London. The. Times.” “So, why don’t they call it The London Times?” “Sigh.”
Have you been to Scotland? It’s beautiful. You should go. They have this amazing festival in Edinburgh… I forget what it’s called.
Could you let the royal family know that if they want to call me, they need to make sure that their number shows up on caller ID or it’ll be blocked?
Is there any possible way to make this Twitter thing sound prestigious? “As tweeted by…” sounds ridiculous. I’ve been writing out variations like a 13-year-old writing her boyfriend’s name on a peechee, and I’m coming up with a big, fat bag of nothing.